My journey with Anamé and development as a Karma Killer Yoga instructor – part 2

I left off part 1 of this post shortly after I left Anamé Program. The freedom I experienced came from being rid of the feeling that I was incompetent in what I was doing – or that’s what I believed. 

Anamé has a saying that to be human is a transitional form of existence. It is for growth and development and not for resting. Trying the latter can feel like lying down on the steps to have a nap. No, not comfortable.🙂

And yes, growth and development does have a pressure on us. The more you want to evolve and the more you want to make of your life, the bigger it’ll be. When I quit teaching, I temporarily felt this pressure lift off my shoulders. I believed that the lightness would linger, but it didn’t.

I don’t remember now how much time passed before a sense of uneasiness came. At first, it was like a puff of smoke in the air – I could make it with a wave of my hand. I only slowly, gradually realized where it came from. I wanted to be an instructor at Anamé Program again. I began to understand that it wasn’t simply a good and useful method that I admired, but it somehow was linked to the purpose of why I was born, with what task. Which is always a desire as well, deep in the heart. The purpose of our lives that we bring with us, that we are born with.

I understood that all those things that made me feel good, the ones that I did and those that I was only planning to do, were never going to make me happy or content. 

What happened with that feeling of incompetence, then?

The ego works in sneaky ways. Once it’ll make you believe that you are more or better than others, while other times just the opposite: you’re unworthy and not enough.

The goal, however, is always the same: to keep you away from your true being, which is governed by divine force. And the ego is not fond of the idea of us being governed by anything else. So the struggle is inevitable. 

The exercises of Karma Killer Yoga helped. It was extremely hard to go on with the practice, though. Many times during the courses, classes or retreats I was irritated, angry or depressed. But something I couldn’t explain didn’t let me give up. Sometimes cursing within, being angry with myself and the instructors, lying on the floor instead of following the exercises.

But still, they helped: they led me through dark places of my soul, cleaning, sweeping, blasting away many blocks that were holding me back from being my true self and living the life that I was supposed to live.

The return

And through this inner fight the calling kept ripening in me. Until one day I told Anamé that I wanted to come back. 

She didn’t say yes at first. Instead, she asked me lots of questions about my reasons. She also told me how everything has accelerated since I’d left. For a while I didn’t know if I was going to be accepted or not. 

Then one day she asked me to meet her in a tea house and told me that I could come back, having completed some requirements necessary for teaching and after receiving an initiation from her. She gave me three days to think about it and make a decision.

To my surprise, her news didn’t only bring relief. Before I said yes I felt petrified: fear and uncertainty came upon me. I remember I even called my mom to ask her what I should do.🙂 It didn’t seem to be a true dilemma to her, but she was wise enough not to give me a straight – and, according to her, obvious – reply. She only reflected back to me all the things that I’d said about Anamé Program. 

So the reply was yes, and it felt like homecoming. Did the pressure come back? Sure it did. But I did learn something important: I never again questioned my place at Anamé Program. I learned that questioning my place there has the same source as thinking that I’m too good or I see or know anything better than those around me. It’s the lack of trust and devotion to the divine will and wisdom.

Being on a spiritual path is never convenient. Great things, great achievements are not based on convenience. On the other hand, flow doesn’t come with convenience, either. So why is it so alluring to many of us? 

The two forces

The force which drives you to grow, to develop is always accompanied by that which tries to hold you back. In that sense, the concept of convenience is a lot broader than sitting on the couch all day long.

Convenience is also holding on to something – a person, an idea, a situation – only because it’s known, it’s familiar. Because change is frightening. Convenience is also not giving your time and attention when it’s needed – to a task, to your kid or spouse, or a situation – because you already have enough on your plate (even though in most cases it is true: you do already have energy on your plate). Convenience is when you allow yourself to call that guy an idiot in the next car when he’s honking for no reason at all.

Being truly alive is not convenient. It is alert and present and conscious. That state of being has its own joy, its own happiness. If you think back on the greatest moments of your life, most likely they happened in a state of flow where you felt fully present. It’s unlikely that your memory would dig up a moment when you were sitting on the couch with a remote in your hand, looking at the TV screen absent-mindedly, switching between channels.

Why the two forces

The question seems to be fair: why do we need convenience, why do we need resistance? Wouldn’t it be so much easier if there was only the force to evolve which guides us?

We live in a dualistic world. Once in it, there’s no other way for us than to accept and respect its ways, and by doing so we may experience unity or the nature of oneness. A sportsman or a sportswoman may think of the negative force as laziness or doubt, a spiritual person would call it a block, an entrepreneur would say resistance, while a Christian would refer to it as Satan. We may concentrate on the differences of these points of view, but there are common points undoubtedly, and now I invite you to concentrate on those with an open mind, because they teach us about one of the most exciting questions of human experience. Here’s what the Britannica says about the role of Satan:

The word Satan is the English transliteration of a Hebrew word for “adversary” in the Bible. With the definite article, the Hebrew word denotes “the adversary” par excellence, mainly in the Book of Job, where the adversary comes to the heavenly court with the “sons of God.” His task is to roam the earth (like a contemporaneous Persian official) seeking out acts or persons to be reported adversely (to the king); his function thus is the opposite of that of the “eyes of the Lord,” which roam the earth strengthening all that is good. Satan is cynical about disinterested human goodness and is permitted to test it under God’s authority and control and within the limits that God sets.

Satan is permitted to test [disinterested human goodness] under God’s authority and control and within the limits that God sets.

Energy blocks have a role of testing the stability of a higher energy level, promoting true evolution. Overcoming resistance, laziness or doubt will make us stronger, more focused, strenuous, those qualities that’d hardly be born without the hardships of testing.

And why did I mention convenience here (or Satan and the role of testing)? Well, yes. It was the next big step in my life as a Karma Killer Yoga instructor, about a year after I returned.

Renunciation comes first

I almost dropped out. 

Being on a spiritual path requires constant vigilance, eternal awareness. You can fall out of line from one day to another. And most of the time the signs are not as obvious as not sending a file by a deadline. That’s why, constant vigilance, eternal awareness is necessary even more so on the side of the spiritual teacher. And sure enough, Anamé told me and another instructor that we fell behind, compared to the others. As if we were fading. She said that our convenience was getting a central role, and that’s not the way to go.

And there it was, convenience. At first I didn’t get it. I’d always been the type of person who’d rather overdo her tasks than missing them. I was always effective, and could bear a high workload. What could be wrong, then? The interesting thing about such situations is that deep inside you also know that something is off. So I head jumped into some thorough self observation and I began to see what was happening with this convenience issue.

Teaching is a service, to put it in a simple and clear way. And what you serve must come first. And it’s a choice that you don’t make only once, that’s not enough. You do make it once – it’s important – and then you make it every day. Every day, every minute. I did make the choice once but didn’t remember thereafter to make it every day and every minute: when it came to my motivation or planning my days. These were all indications.

Eventually, all of us will reach a point in our lives where we have to decide what to serve, and there’s no escape, no smart way out. The Bible approaches this choice as one between two masters:

“No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.”

/New American Standard Bible/

And wealth doesn’t merely mean money, you may swap it for whatever that puts your ego and its desires at the center of your life. As for me, I woke up in the morning and didn’t ask what I could do for the world that day but how the tasks of the day could be easier, more comfortable for me. I was disconnected and thought that I knew how things should be: for others and for Anamé Program as well. As many times before, I sensed that turning back from that path will have something in store for me.

Story without an end

The inclination toward a lonely spiritual path and searching my own ways and comfort mapped out the road for me clearly.

In the Bible, in Matthew, a rich young man asks Jesus what actions bring eternal life. First, Jesus advises the man to obey the commandments. When the man responds that he already observes them, and asks what else he can do, Jesus adds:

If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.[4]

Luke has a similar episode and states that:

When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was very wealthy. Jesus looked at him and said, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of heaven! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven.”[5]

And if you interpret wealth as something that’s yours and you’re clinging to it – let it be material or in your mind only, like your self image, the question to be answered is how much you want that perfection, the “eternal life”? Are you ready to give up anything for it? How important is it?

Such questions you cannot reply to by words. Only by your deeds, your choices.

For me, it’s done by devotion. By pushing everyone else in front of myself on this road to perfection. By asking what I can do for them. This is how I’ll get to reach my highest self and fulfill what I was born for.

I am happy that I see progress because I know that that is holding who you truly are, gets to be born. And this transformation embodies wonders that you, and only you, are able to add to our world. I feel your every step that you make towards the light, because we are one. Let us stay connected!

As to the question of who you are, no teacher can answer you. If they try, the answer will be nothing more than a pile of dry words. Perhaps, you might not be aware of it, but every passing minute, you work on answering this question.

The true I is a masterpiece. It differs from the inflated personalities that the ego wears, because those dissolve after death, just like the body. Knowledge, practice and a noble state of the soul are indispensable to this masterpiece. But all this is not enough.

Poo-Tar gave me the key at the very beginning of my journey. 

“And I tell you: you will grovel in hell’s filth, till you finally embrace it.”

And so it was. I had to descend to the hell of my current life, so that I could ennoble myself and be reborn as a Phoenix, so that I could find the key to heaven.

And as to whether what I have told you is true, you will feel that in your heart.

/Karma Killer by Anamé Valéria Balázs/

It’s funny how sometimes on the spiritual path the strongest resistance you have is towards the very thing that would save you. In my case: true devotion. For me it means to be devoted to service: to serve Jesus Christ in the spirit of unity through working for others and for our world. 

For you it could be something else, but one thing is for sure: beyond our resistance what’s awaiting us is the greatest happiness. The happiness that’s not caused by things going your way (as circumstances may, and tend to change🙃), but by living your calling, your highest potential, the very reason why you came to this world. When you find and take your place in this huge puzzle. So however big the resistance seems to be (and yes, it tends to be bigger as you get closer to your goal or your higher self), just know that it’s worth persevering and working your way through it. 

In the next post I’m planning to give you some easily applicable tips to deal with pressure and manage your energy and time on a higher energy level based on my own experiences and those of many others I’ve been working with during my years of being a Karma Killer Yoga instructor. Hope to see you there, too! 🙂

My journey with Anamé and my development as a Karma Killer Yoga instructor – Part 1

Anamé Valéria Balázs

In my previous post, I talked about different aspects of finding a spiritual mentor: what to look for and what to avoid with stories and opinions.

I promised you that I would talk a bit about how I met my teacher and how my relationship to her has changed and evolved during these more than twenty years. This is mostly a story of my personal development, as much as of my development as a Karma Killer Yoga instructor at Anamé Program. 

It all began when I was a university student, but earlier than my first yoga class. I had a calling towards spirituality but at first it was completely unconscious. Books about Buddhism, Hinduism, the Tao, religions and traditions came across my path. I remember reading the Bible, too, mostly the New Testament. The stories seemed to be too naive to be applicable to what I saw around myself, sometimes they felt downright ridiculous, like the one with the prodigal son. I was quick to make my judgement: religion was for those who lacked real strength and were unambitious. But no matter how critical I became, the subject didn’t let me rest.

My boyfriend at the time was an Aikido instructor, and that was another thing which pushed me in the direction of spirituality: I loved the way he talked about that path, it was exciting and inspiring. So when looking for some new way of exercise, instead of an aerobics class, I chose yoga. 

Today I’d most likely search the net to find a studio or a teacher, but then I just assumed that if I tried the Buddhist College in Budapest, I’d surely find a course. And I did. In my very first yoga class, I met Anamé Valéria Balázs. At that time, she used the exercises of Karma Killer Yoga mostly in her one on one sessions, and so in class, we practised some traditional yoga asanas as well, together with meditation. 

She was unlike anyone I’d known before. She had the calm and cheerful manner of someone who keeps her focus off the problems of everyday life. Not because they’d be too much to handle, that type of attitude always has an uneasy lightness to it. Hers was stable, like someone who does have the strength to face them all, yet doesn’t let herself be dragged down by them. It has made a big impact on me; I wanted that strength and focus and composure for myself as well.

I loved the classes, too. They were freeing and energizing but also relaxing. I loved them so much that, after a break when Anamé’s son was born and the classes were only available outside of Budapest, I’d rather travel almost two hours than go to a different type of yoga class. 

I had an experience with that, too, and the difference was huge. Any other type of yoga class I went to felt good physically and mentally, but nowhere else did I have the experience of that deeply transformative force than with Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program.

The beginning

Years went by, my daughter was born, too, and for a period of time, I didn’t have the time nor the opportunity to go to yoga classes. Then one day in 2007, Anamé called me.

She told me that she was planning an instructor course program with only about 7-8 people whom she personally invited. She asked me if I was interested… and I replied YES even without thinking it through. Something inside told me that this was what I’d been waiting for, though I had absolutely no clue how I was going to make it. 

I was alone with a two and a half year old without much help and had financial difficulties. The situation didn’t seem to be ideal at all, but the calling was huge. I had to do it, that’s what I felt, I had to do it somehow. 

The course was hard but inspiring beyond words. For me, talking in public (and by public I mean in front of more than two people😁) was torturous. The fear that suffused me on such occasions was inexplicable: I could freeze any time, unable to think or talk. I guess you can imagine how I felt when we began to put the instructing part into action and had to lead classes among one another. I had no clue then how it was only the beginning of the endless challenges that come with working as a Karma Killer Yoga instructor at Anamé Program.

The real stuff begins

Two years passed with lots of learning and challenges (like how do you squeeze 2-2.5 hours of practice into your day when you have no idea whether or not your toddler will sleep. Ah, AND she decides to wake up earlier and earlier each day, in direct proportion to the amount of time you have to spend with practice. When she reaches 5 o’clock in the morning, you have no choice but to consider it funny in order to survive🙂).

During these courses, Anamé seemed to have one thing in mind: to help our best possible versions enfold by challenging our weakest spots. Looking at it in a superficial way, what she said or did sometimes seemed illogical, but only because she kept her eyes on the invisible, just as much as on the visible.

There was this guy, for instance, who knew and understood the exercises well, was confident in instructing, and had an air of someone who knows what he’s doing. He already had some experience with teaching a kind of martial art, I don’t remember what it was, but it definitely helped him move and talk in a self-assured way. You’d think (well, I would for sure🙂) that it’s a perfect combination and a good basis for becoming an instructor. Anamé didn’t. She told him that he wouldn’t be an instructor here at Anamé Program. 

There was nothing personal about it, absolutely nothing. It felt as if she simply stated something obvious: something that was an unquestionable truth that everybody knew deep inside, only somehow didn’t realize or didn’t know how to put it in words. It was one of those occasions, among many others, when what she said or did was coming from a clean source of knowledge instead of her personal thoughts, feelings or preferences.

To this day, I’m highly impressed, whenever I see and hear her speak like that. I always have a feeling that this is the purest and the only truly sensible way to look at things and to act on them.

So, after these two years of evolution and challenges, another apprentice and me were asked to take over Anamé’s classes for the summer. I was so anxious in those first classes that I could hardly pay attention to anything else than keeping my voice close to normal and controlling its trembling (and that of my whole body, actually😬).

From September the same year, we had our own classes once a week. Anamé was always available: supporting, challenging, reassuring or harsh, whatever our development required. I remember once she told me to watch Robbie Williams on the stage at a concert: how he owns the space as he moves around and what the energy of his presence is like. What she was talking about then, I finally found in Freddy Mercury, who became a huge inspiration for me.

This story is a significant one for me. Not because I got to see more Freddy Mercury videos and listen to Queen, although it wasn’t an unpleasant side effect🙂, but rather because to me, her method became a model for teaching: the method of no method.

The method of no method and the importance of spontaneity

The only form of teaching I’d known was based on methods, processes. This thing is taught with method A, the other one with method B, through predetermined steps. And while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with using methods when you’re at school, learning a language or learning how to drive, when it comes to spirituality and personal development, the role of spontaneity becomes more important.

How can such spontaneity be described?

As spontaneity may be described simply through the lack of planning or of giving a thought, it’s good to clarify what I mean by it in this case.

Spontaneous actions in this sense go hand in hand with creativity. They are connected organically with the situation and the people involved in it. Therefore, there are no prewritten scenarios involved.

Another great spiritual teacher, Adyashanti has a cute story about how it works. I’m sorry if I don’t remember the details well, but still, I think I can convey its message. It happened between him and a woman he used to work with. There were only the two of them in the office, doing some paperwork, when the woman suddenly began to cry. When he asked what was wrong, she replied that she didn’t feel his respect or appreciation for the work she’s doing. Adya got surprised at first as he recalled all the occasions when he expressed his true gratitude and appreciation toward his coworkers. He was sure he regularly gave that type of positive feedback to her as well. 

But after that first sequence of thoughts, the real meaning, the truth of the situation hit him, and when he saw it, he told the woman that he really loved her as a person. And, as it turned out, it was exactly that expression of love that was needed and it helped them both to connect heart to heart. What would have happened without this spontaneity and without him seeing the truth of the situation? Well, we can only guess, of course, but we can have a pretty good idea about how he could have reminded her of all those occasions when he’d expressed his appreciation and he could have done it again, on the spot, and she could’ve accepted it with some lingering hollowness in her heart. It wouldn’t have been a bad thing, of course not. But what happened instead had a power and a meaning and a depth that can only be born from these perceptions of the truth of a situation.

The dead end

About three years passed since I started working at Anamé Program when a growing sense of uneasiness settled upon me. Somewhat similar to impostor syndrome, I had a feeling that I had no clue what this method, the exercises of Karma Killer Yoga and Anamé Program, was truly based on. I felt that I didn’t understand in depth how the energy works in our energy system and what the exercises actually do. I felt small and incompetent, like someone who has no idea what they are doing. I had a fear of misleading people and/or making a mistake.

Anamé asked me to decide whether or not I wanted to stay and she gave me a two weeks deadline. She was objective, almost detached. I felt close to her and I regarded this as a sign of her being inattentive. Only years later, after I came back to teach again, did she tell me how sorry she was when I left and how much she waited for my return. But at that time, she knew there was nothing she could’ve done to hold me back… not yet. So she let me go.

This was another thing I greatly admired about Anamé. She always knew when to fight for someone, like a lion, and when to withdraw and let them go. In my case, I had to make this loop in my life: to leave Anamé Program in order to truly commit myself to it, and find my place in it later.

My leaving happened without much ado and rather officially: just signing the necessary papers. I wished Anamé would try to hold me back and ask me to stay. But she didn’t, so we simply agreed that I wouldn’t quit practicing. I could see that she wasn’t convinced I would.

The fight of a spiritual teacher and the dilemma of true support

During the early years I had an illusion I had to say goodbye to: that your relationship with your spiritual teacher should always be smooth. I based it on the idea that a love is always kind and supportive. And in a sense, I was right, but in a whole different way than I reckoned earlier. 

Love is supportive, that’s not the question. What is, then? Well, the real question is what does love support? What is the love of a spiritual teacher (or a friend, a lover, relative, etc) supportive of?

You don’t need to go as far as deep spiritual teachings to see the dilemma here. Suppose your friend had a fight with their partner/spouse. She expects you to support her by agreeing with her and encouraging her by saying that she’s right and by justifying her feelings and point of view. She may feel that that’s the best and most supportive way for you to stand by her in that hard situation.

You want to make sure that she feels safe in your company and sees that you understand her pain. On the other hand, you may see that she cannot look at the situation in an unbiased way and that she lets her judgments be stronger than her love for her partner, thus drawing incorrect, hasty conclusions.

To simplify the situation (only for the sake of making a point out of our example) you have to make a decision whether you want to truly support her and maybe take on the chance of conflict or confrontation, or you support whatever it is in her that’s making judgements and letting her come to false conclusions, possibly dragging her away from someone she loves.

And although you know which one would be better for her, the choice is still not easy.

A spiritual teacher doesn’t really have a choice here. They always have to choose whatever is best for the apprentice, and not what serves the apprentice’s energy blocks (old programming, points of view, pain, etc) and their ego.

Anamé has always told us, the instructors, that as long as she’s challenging us and fighting with us, everything is OK. She said we should only begin to worry when she’s kind🙂. She was joking of course, as she is a kind person. But still, we understood well what she meant by this: the way she fought for us in many cases felt like she was fighting against us. It took time for us to see that she was fighting against all our blocks, against whatever was keeping us from evolving and going further on the path.

What seems to be freedom

My first couple of months without Anamé Program was spent in almost ecstatic freedom. I felt as if an enormous burden fell off of my shoulders. Because I had thought earlier that I didn’t really know what I had been doing or that I wasn’t fully competent. And without that burden it felt easier to move, to breathe, to be in general. I took dancing classes and concentrated on enjoying myself. 

I was not aware, not yet, where this feeling of freedom came. I didn’t know how little time I had to enjoy it. And I definitely didn’t expect what was about to come. 

If you’re interested in the outcome, come back next week and you’ll get to know how the story goes on. To be continued…🙂

How to choose a trustworthy spiritual method or mentor? Things to look for and to avoid

This is a sensitive topic. Most of us don’t like to be misled, not even in small things like believing a salesperson and realizing later that we shouldn’t have believed them or been so naive and should have done some more research or be more thorough.

But when it comes to choosing an inappropriate mentor or method, this issue becomes even more difficult. Touchy, rather. A spiritual mentor is someone you trust, and that trust is absolute because they will know basically everything about you – not only the information that you decide to leak. You’ll take their advice and accept their guidance. 

In case you choose a teacher with whom you don’t have a personal relationship with (let’s say you follow a teaching via YouTube), it’ll be a one way road only. It’s a significantly different approach to follow a teaching compared to a traditional, strictly personal, intimate relationship. There is another important difference that shouldn’t be overlooked: you only see a filmed and edited version of someone. Even more so in case of other social media like Instagram or Facebook. What you see and read is filtered and controlled multiple times. 

It doesn’t mean that it’s bad or less valuable. Very similar rules apply in this case as well, when you don’t have a personal connection: pay attention to where that teacher or mentor speaks and acts from. If it’s a place of judgment or love. If they want to celebrate themselves, their achievements, knowledge or intellect, or work to evoke your inner knowledge and guidance. Pay attention to how they interact with people during a Q&A or a satsang or a talk show. Look for reviews and opinions whenever possible.

And pay attention to what your heart whispers while looking at them and listening to them: the way they move and talk. And most importantly: don’t be discouraged if it turns out that he or she wasn’t the right one for you. It may take time, and each step on the road of this quest is valuable, like in my following story.

When my daughter was just a baby, my mom used to visit a homeopathic doctor. She was really impressed by the doctor’s calmness and holistic approach she showed her, not only with regard to medicine and healing but also in everyday life as she talked to my mom about her views and ideas.

My mom suggested that I go and also take my daughter to her, as we had some difficult times (I was a single mom then and our financial situation was far from stable). So we did go several times for about a year. For me these occasions were neither very positive nor negative, and I wasn’t sure how effective the therapy was, but as it was a gentle method, I wanted to give it a try.

One time when my daughter could already walk, she was playing with the toys that were prepared on a small table while the therapist and I were sitting as she was asking about our experiences and the progress we were making.

And then my daughter reached out and touched the therapist’s hand briefly but with great affection. It was a natural, spontaneous, open hearted and loving gesture from her. I was close to the therapist and saw how that move startled her. She pulled her hand away with an unconscious move.

There was nothing bad or malevolent about that pulling away. There was a moment after it, when she composed herself and got back to her smiling and gentle and attentive therapist role. 

I don’t have any bad feelings about her. And she may be a good therapist, too. To be one, she didn’t have to show that gentleness and all the caring attention. Still, she decided to do so, but in a second without having the time for conscious control she lost that facade, the authenticity of that picture.

How I chose my spiritual guide

I remember when I first met my spiritual teacher, Anamé Valéria Balázs more than twenty years ago. And with her the method that was later to become Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program. It was one of those rare encounters you’re certain to have a huge impact on your life. I didn’t know it back then, but it turned out to be the most important one in my life.

During the years I gradually gathered all those signs that showed her authenticity, which may be helpful to you, too.

  1. Timing. Every one of us has our own blocks and it’s not that hard to see them for other people. But a good spiritual teacher will know when it is time to go against them. And as soon as the right moment comes, they’ll act.
  2. Being impersonal. A spiritual teacher’s role is not to be encouraging or consoling or reinforcing. They have one task: to serve your evolvement. And in case it requires that they be angry, they’ll act angrily. If it requires for them to be harsh or to leave you alone with a problem, they’ll do just that. But always for the sake of your development, and not because of their personal motives.
  3. Challenge. The true spiritual path is a narrow one and it’s easy to get lost. It’s the teacher’s role to guide your steps, warn and challenge you whenever necessary (often, usually)😊
  4. Love. It’s the purest form of love to risk being the subject of projections and blame and God knows what else of your students only to make sure they stay on the right path.
  5. Inspiration. Always. The way they live and what they represent. With their whole being.

What pieces of advice I found when I did a bit of a search?

  1. When you sense the need for spiritual assistance to help jump-start your life again, first and most essential of all, look and see where you are inside of yourself when you are searching for that life coach, healer or spiritual teacher. Try and find (even in the midst of confusion and crisis) that inner faith toward your own Soul’s essential knowing. It feels like a kind of inclination beyond what your mind knows that you know. Most often, people don’t really “check in” to their motive in selecting someone to work with, and in not so doing, are often unconsciously seeking an outside rather than an inner answer. You see, if we are unaware that we are looking to buy an outside fix to our life’s problems, then we may have to evolve through a process of spending lots of time and money on a plethora of products and services until we mature to a true inner readiness for self-responsible healing and empowered self-realization. This is often the trail one takes, seeking an outside fix and placing responsibility on the power of the practitioner.

This is something that makes sense. However, the way I see it almost everybody is going from outside to inside. We either look for an outside fix to our problems or we ourselves are trying to manipulate the outside in order to fit our needs. Either way, whether by an immature mentor or our own experience, we slowly come to turn more and more inside. 

It’s also interesting how for some people the quest for spirituality is almost as natural as eating or breathing. 

I’ve never restricted my daughters beliefs, for instance, she can have her own opinions, although her choices do affect the amount of food she gets for lunch (don’t worry, I’m joking). However, as it turned out, spirituality is important to her. Just recently she had an odd dream that we discussed. She dreamed about a monk, he taught her about meditation. She told me that the dream was not dream-like at all and that she felt very conscious although she didn’t know it was a dream. In the morning she only remembered one of the teachings, the position she should assume whilst meditating and she actually tried it out the next day.

It’s interesting that we often go through very similar processes, become interested in the same topics at pretty much the same time. The same thing happened with this blog post, she was searching for qi gong masters and books on spirituality, completely unaware of the theme of my newest blog post.

Spirituality is part of her mundane life as well, for which food is a good example. This is how she described making miso soup and congee (Chinese rice porridge): when I cook I put energy into the process of creating and it becomes filled with light, when I eat, a much stronger and brighter light returns to me alongside the increased energy.

  1. When you read a spiritual healer or teacher’s website, articles, teachings, and marketing materials and review their claims, listen from a place beyond your mind. Listen to how it feels inside of your body (literally!) as you read and contemplate these materials. What do you sense? If there is a kind of “buzzy excitement” or a feeling of “yes, I seem to already know this that he/she is speaking of”, or if it feels familiar in an odd way, these are signs of truth recognized in your own being. Truth is Truth and your own God-consciousness knows, when you learn how to listen to this voice over the voice of egoic fear and mental conditioning. If you notice that what you have read comes back up in your thoughts a few days later, something real is stirring or being recognized from your inner physician.

I think this is a useful one. The feeling of above mentioned familiarity is different from when you agree with someone based on a similar worldview or having the same opinion about certain topics. A true spiritual teaching never offers you a worldview, it’s only concerned with the truth, which is not a static thing.

  1. Engage with the person you are considering working with. Watch or listen to a video, read the testimonials, watch them with other people and see how they respond. How do they treat you or their students and clients? Do they come from a place of superior knowing or consider themselves to be the “force” behind their student’s positive experiences? Do they take personal credit as the healer/teacher and put themselves on a “guru pedestal” you can’t reach, except by the wave of their hand? Or do they show graciousness, humility, and a sense of great joy and inspiration in helping to shine a light on your own truth? A real spiritual mentor or healer has depth from real living; he or she has obviously been through life’s struggles and does not hide that fact. A real teacher has been so profoundly attentive to his/her own process of inner healing and realization of truth that (s)he becomes the “wounded healer” – one who has walked the dark places of despair and can therefore help cast a light on the pathway through your own. The light is the gift of a true healer; a light that shines on and reveals your own!

Always pay attention to how a mentor engages with students and others. Recently I heard a zen teacher answering queries of his apprentices. What he said was correct, coming from a place of great inner wisdom on the one hand and a deep and thorough knowledge and understanding of the tradition and the scriptures on the other. 

But I missed the true connection in his replies. They were smart and well structured, but didn’t have that transformative power that only a heart to heart connection can have.

  1. A deeply mature healer or spiritual guide can really only help YOU to remove the blocks that stand in the way of your sensing and coming to know the shining light of well-being that is already inside waiting for your homecoming. You are a healer, wise one and guide — you’ve simply lost your way, as we all do and have from time to time.

A good point. Whenever a mentor is somehow clearing your blocks, they do two things: tying you to them and by doing so taking away the opportunity from you to find your own strength and potential.

Many just start to search for something because of this feeling of ‘this cannot be it’. They give themselves away in their misguided attempts to “get it” from a spiritual teacher or guru or religion. The induction into remembering “Who you really are” through a relationship to a teacher or a teaching or a religion requires a very fundamental honesty and intimacy within yourself.

It’s not necessarily bad to temporarily follow a teaching that’s not from the purest source, because it may have benefits and it’ll definitely be a powerful teaching. So my goal is not to scare you at all, only to share some of my experiences on the topic I’ve had over the past twenty-something years, as I think it could be helpful to you, too.

What a spiritual mentor should and shouldn’t do

When doing research on the net I came across several tips and opinions of how someone you decide to follow should talk or act or behave. From the idea that they should walk with grace to the point that they should be able to eliminate your doubts when you test their knowledge.

From what I see, some teachers are captives of this should and shouldn’t game and these mental pictures themselves. Once I visited a class of a yoga teacher with whom I never felt natural: but not because I felt the need to be composed, which is a useful thing, but because I had the feeling that she was acting a role. A role of the yoga teacher. Because a yoga teacher is kind and always talks in a small and gentle voice, walks softly and slowly. 

And there’s the argument about money, of course. People seem to be fairly sensitive on this subject of charging for spiritual services. Many people seeking spiritual guidance think that one should not charge a fee for these kinds of sacred services. They say that when it comes to matters regarding healing of mind and body, it is the work of God/Spirit. Therefore, no healer, as a servant in this universal force, should charge a fee for something that comes from and serves Spirit.

Others, and most people I believe, realize that a spiritual mentor’s abilities and gifts are a deeply valuable offering that should be blessed with the honoring of exchange. While money has become our common currency of exchange for the procurement of goods and services of value, this was of course not always the case.

​In past cultures the community’s men and women who communed with the Spirits were treated with great reverence and often, too, with awe or fear. Not only were shamans and healers the place to which a family turned with hope when a family member became ill, but these shamans also had the responsibility for maintaining the community’s rapport with Spirit in matters of sustained livelihood, maintaining tribal morals, and assuring the community’s wellbeing.

Just as doctors and psychiatrists are respected and well-commissioned today for their work, shamans, healers and spiritual guides in other cultures were well cared for and supported by their clan. It was recognized in these societies that healers’ gifts came from a tremendous inner devotion, often coinciding with very challenging personal wounds, illnesses or accidents.

Healers were well cared for because it was recognized that their depth and power was derived from a certain type of deep inner observation. Many gifted healers, spiritual seers and visionaries seem to require a lifestyle outside the mainstream, in but not wholly of the world. This seems often to be a requirement in order to look into, understand, and work Spirit so that they can effectively offer the ways of healing to others.

The path of a spiritual teacher and healer (if he/she is an authentic and matured one) is most always fraught with great inner challenges. This only makes sense. For a person to become an initiated spiritual guide, he/she has to go beyond the realm of common place or conventional practice to study and understand the invisible realms of soul, psyche, and creation.

The healer must learn within him/herself to bypass the limits of the conditioned mind and become adept at the spiritual world. To do so, the spiritual apprentice must undertake the great inner hero’s journey to discover and step beyond his or her own wounds, demons (psychological patterns) and cultural conditioning to seek and to find the path of universal wholeness and truth.

So for one who has a gift of healing to be of useful service to others, he will have to either be a channeled bypass of the personality or will have to have made the inner journey of self-reflection, identity de-construction, and apprenticeship to the creative forces, before he or she can actually understand and apply the universal laws behind the nature of healing. No matter how you look at it, authentic and truly matured spiritual guidance requires tremendous life-devotion and dedication. It is the healer’s primary vocation, calling….a job, if you like.

I leave you to draw the conclusion and decide for yourself what to look for and what to avoid when looking for spiritual guidance.

And in the next post I’ll show you how my relationship with my teacher, Anamé Valéria Balázs has evolved through the years, before and after I became a Karma Killer Yoga instructor.

Five ways you can experience more joy in your life by practicing Karma Killer Yoga

Sacral chakra. The one responsible for joy and the optimal flow of life, creativity and joyful sexuality. No wonder that sacral chakra courses and classes at Anamé Program are among the most popular ones. 🙂 At the end of this post, I’ll list five things that can change your life when you work with your sacral chakra. 

I began the previous post, which was about relationships, by saying that my general attitude to basically everything and everyone was discontent. And being discontent, as you can imagine, is not the most fertile soil for being happy. 

And as obvious as it sounds, it’s still quite shocking to think about all those things, feelings, thoughts, general attitudes and circumstances that do grow out of the soil of discontent. 

I remember playing a ‘game’ since I was a child. Back then, it never occurred to me how perfectly it reflected my negative ways of thinking and to what extent it contributed to the programming that I was constantly looking out for the worst possible outcome.

So the game went on as follows: 

I played this especially when it was cold and I hated to wait for the tram in the stop. So I told myself that until I counted to … (and here I determined a number), the tram should arrive at the stop. I always tried to make the number big enough to be sure the tram would come before I got to the end of my counting.

Budapest, Deák Ferenc tér

This seemingly innocuous game showed two very important things about my general worldview. On the one hand, I counted on the worst case scenario (I have to wait for a long time). This way I gave positivity a chance only relative to the worst case scenario. On the other hand, I was so afraid of disappointment, that I tried to weed out all my positive expectations in the first place, in an attempt to avoid being disappointed at all costs. Even at the cost of ruling hope out of my life.

You may say that it’s just overanalyzing a silly game. And I, as a fan of simple explanations, would be willing to agree, if I didn’t see how astonishingly this silly little game reflected my attitude to basically everything. 

I had dreams about being successful, traveling a lot, making money while doing something I really enjoyed, of course. But it was all overshadowed by something that was encoded at a much deeper level of my being than my dream-weaving mind. It felt as if I had to jump over a high fence, but couldn’t take off from the ground like other people (at least this is how I saw it back then), but had to make this jump from a deep ditch in front of the fence. 

My fear of disappointment was so overwhelming that it made me cut off, ignore or leave behind anything and everybody who’d help me live a better, a happier and more content life. Out of precaution.

I wasn’t aware of all this then. What I’ve been describing here above was my natural state of being, so it didn’t occur to me that it wasn’t reality.

The nature of energy blocks

This is exactly how energy blocks behave. They are like blind spots: you don’t see the way they switch you to autopilot mode. These autopilot modes have their own worldviews, sets of emotions and thinking patterns, and they feel and think and talk and act according to them.

They don’t simply live through you, but have a tendency to maintain themselves. This means that the events of your life or even the world, or the way people behave will serve as proof for their righteousness. Therefore, as far as you are concerned, it’s perfectly justified or normal to have those feelings and thoughts, and to handle situations that particular way.

Although a different approach, it’s worth having a look at it from the perspective of psychology. The book Blindspot: The Hidden Biases of Good People (the authors are the inventors of the implicit association test) for instance, has a ton of fascinating science on this topic.

If you take a look at its review, you’ll see what I mean:

Accessible and authoritative . . . While we may not have much power to eradicate our own prejudices, we can counteract them. The first step is to turn a hidden bias into a visible one. . . . What if we’re not the magnanimous people we think we are?”—The Washington Post

I know my own mind.

I am able to assess others in a fair and accurate way.

These self-perceptions are challenged by leading psychologists Mahzarin R. Banaji and Anthony G. Greenwald as they explore the hidden biases we all carry from a lifetime of exposure to cultural attitudes about age, gender, race, ethnicity, religion, social class, sexuality, disability status, and nationality.

Blindspot” is the authors’ metaphor for the portion of the mind that houses hidden biases. Writing with simplicity and verve, Banaji and Greenwald question the extent to which our perceptions of social groups—without our awareness or conscious control—shape our likes and dislikes and our judgments about people’s character, abilities, and potential.

In Blindspot, the authors reveal hidden biases based on their experience with the Implicit Association Test, a method that has revolutionized the way scientists learn about the human mind and that gives us a glimpse into what lies within the metaphoric blindspot.

The title’s “good people” are those of us who strive to align our behavior with our intentions. The aim of Blindspot is to explain the science in plain enough language to help well-intentioned people achieve that alignment. By gaining awareness, we can adapt beliefs and behavior and “outsmart the machine” in our heads so we can be fairer to those around us. Venturing into this book is an invitation to understand our own minds.

Brilliant, authoritative, and utterly accessible, Blindspot is a book that will challenge and change readers for years to come.

For example, I used to have this strong feeling that people didn’t really like me. Unconsciously, it made me look for the signs that justified this… well, I wouldn’t say idea, as it was too strong to occupy only my mind, so I’d rather call it a gut feeling.

Here comes a little story for you to demonstrate, but there were hundreds of others along the same line. University, first year. There was this guy, always hung around a girl. They were not a couple, but seemed to be close friends. They had the air of being cool. Whenever I was looking at them, I saw that they were talking about others, gossiping, looking down on everyone. Especially me, you guessed right. 😉

It was almost the end of the semester, and there was a party. What else? 😉 I particularly remember, as that was the one where someone from our year fell out of a window (he’s OK, not to worry). Somehow we, the guy and me drifted next to each other and began talking. He was cool indeed but as it turned out, not even remotely in the way I’d imagined.

He was funny and kind and caring. He told me that he had grown quite fond of me since the start of the semester. He told me about all the things he liked about me without ever talking to me before. Later, we were together as a couple for a short time, but even after that he remained my best friend. Pow! That’s about the accuracy of the judgments of energy blocks.

The power of chakra cleansing and energizing

During the years of practicing Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program, I noticed so many changes in myself that it’s hard to follow. Below I’ll map the starting point as well as where I am now.

When I was a kid I liked to do nothing, as my mom liked to call it. I liked sitting in my room and just contemplating. It felt really good: I got immersed in a kind of flow and I was at peace with myself and everything else. According to my mom, it was a time I spent useless, and it wasn’t productive. So I gradually developed a feeling that everything I do has to be productive with a visible outcome, otherwise it was time spent without value. And whenever I did sit down to do my thing of doing nothing, I didn’t feel so good anymore. An urge of some sort began to mix into my contemplations, a feeling that I should be doing something: something useful.

Later, in secondary school, I liked to have a nap after school. Those early afternoon naps on the couch felt incredibly relaxing, as if they had a healing power. They gave me a warm and cozy feeling, something I could describe best as giving myself a present. But my mom considered them to be a sign of laziness, and this a time I could have been spending with more sensible, more useful things like studying or clearing the mess in my room. So I became reluctant in allowing myself such treats and only had my naps when she wasn’t home.

From quite an early age, I didn’t dare to express if I really liked or disliked something. As if there was something in me that blunted everything.

Later in my life as a young adult, I didn’t notice the small, joyous moments of my days, as if I was programmed to somehow make them look insignificant compared to all the negative things I saw around me.

Whenever I did something that I was supposed to enjoy, like having a massage, I wasn’t able to fully be aware or give myself over to the experience. Even in those moments of joy, I felt some tenseness. There was a constant gripping feeling in my lower belly.

In my relationships, I was more dismissive than accepting. Naturally, it had an impact on my sexuality as well. I used to have this well, this is really nice but I’m sure there’s a lot more to it kind of feeling.

I think you get the picture by now.🙂

So what changed with practicing Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program?

At the beginning, I really enjoyed the classes. It was partly because I felt so good after them: light and positive and generally more happy (feelings that didn’t visit me too often back then🙂). 

And partly because Anamé personally had a great impact on me. It was more than twenty years ago, so my memories are not that sharp anymore. But I do remember that she impressed me in a way that I knew she was going to have a significant role in my life. 

It was during my university years and I was in a really great relationship. I thought it was all because of me, because I was doing really great. I was ignorant of my energy blocks and how much they affected my life. They were like time bombs, but being busy judging others I didn’t see them. 

With the practice slowly but surely came the realizations, one by one. The process of cleansing and energizing the chakras with the exercises of Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program is very well controlled, and it is one of the reasons why I trust and love this method so much. 

You only have to face an amount of your karmic laundry that you’re able to handle at once. Going layer by layer, I had the opportunity to clear out the energetic imprint of old stories that kept generating the same reactions over and over again, that might have been useful at some point, but became useless and limiting with time. 

The first change I noticed was that I could relax into everyday situations much better and became more spontaneous. Earlier, if I had a plan for the rest of the day, for example, I was quite rigid about it and was reluctant to modify it even if the change was a pleasant one. So I become a lot more flexible in such situations, relaxing more into them, and at the same time enjoying the flow of life. 

Then, I began to notice and appreciate the small things like the feel of a fresh breeze on my skin or an exchange of a friendly smile with a stranger in the bus stop. 

What were the biggest takeaways?

Less control and more ease, a general feeling of well-being that’s not a result of things going my way. Quite the contrary, it’s not dictated by the events around me. Earlier, I hoped to reach this state by trying to control and/or manipulate the circumstances, even people. That didn’t turn out well. 🙂

In this current state there’s much less need for control and a lot more letting things happen and waiting for the outcome with trust and curiosity in my heart.

I also have a much more intimate relationship with my womanhood. Earlier, I used to think that being soft and gentle and inclusive equals to being weak. Now I can integrate these qualities, live and enjoy their beauty and benefits, while I can still feel my strength. And parallel to that, I appreciate and respect men in general more than before. 

Here goes the five things that can change if you work with your sacral chakra 

  1. More joy in your life in general

You might have noticed already that how much joy we find in our life is in many cases independent of our circumstances. Having the most wonderful, comfortable circumstances or even a luxurious lifestyle won’t guarantee more joy. Just have a closer look next time and you’ll see the same tense, worried or troubled faces among the wealthy, too.

Instead, true joy means that your inner atmosphere of perceiving life is mostly coming from inside, not outside. Which is good news, as all you have to do is get to inner work if you want to have a more joyful life.

2. More creativity, playfulness and spontaneity

Sacral chakra is responsible for these qualities, so the more free and clean and energized it is, the more you’ll be able to enjoy them in your everyday life, your work, your hobbies and your relationships.

3. An improved ability to let go of worry and to relax into the flow of life

We were not born to worry. Deep inside, we’re all aware of the fact that worrying and anxiety doesn’t help a bit in facing challenges or solving problems. But with a well balanced sacral chakra we can do both in a relaxed way.😉

4. A more joyful experience of your manhood or womanhood

Finding joy in living a pole of unity always brings you closer to it. Unity never comes from rejection.

5. Improved sexual life

Happy and truly satisfactory sexuality is not a question of finding new positions, accessories or partners (although there’s nothing wrong with any of these, of course). It has a lot more to do with having a good and intimate relationship with yourself and with your pleasure, being devoted both to your partner and your relationship and with complete acceptance. Points 2, 3 and 4 above are a great deal of help as well.🙂

I do hope you enjoyed this post. Next week I’ll dig into the exciting topic of how you know if a spiritual teaching/method/guru is trustworthy and what signs you have to look for to avoid being misled. Hope to see you there, too!

How practicing Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program have changed my relationships – to myself and to others

Discontent. If you asked me earlier to describe my general attitude toward myself and others, as well as my relationships, this would have been the word. Combined with criticisms, always focusing on the negative, on what’s missing.

It wasn’t a good feeling. But I wasn’t aware of it then. On the one hand, it was my natural state of being, and even if I felt positive, it remained in a certain band of frequency.

On the other hand, I saw criticism and discontent as a prerequisite of development, whether personal or collective, in my relationships or at the workplace. Therefore, I considered it as a good, a useful characteristic, especially because in many cases the problems I saw were real and the solutions I was able to offer were sensible.

Now I know that I didn’t have a good, loving relationship with myself. It manifested in two basic types of inner atmosphere, neither of which helped me closer to whom I really am. I will give you a description of their nature and they were interconnected and turned from one to the other, and by doing so I hope to give you an insight into what a difference it can make to be rid of them.

The self-criticizing is probably the more obvious one. No matter how much I did, I never felt it was enough. There was always some uneasiness that it could have been more. I was discontent with many of my reactions, especially in situations where I should have defended myself, my limits. I blamed myself for making horrible decisions, for being too hasty with them or not thoughtful enough, for being insensible with my finances. For not caring or not thinking about the outcome of my actions. I detested that I felt unfeeling. I didn’t see myself as a lovable person.

Our ego dwells on such feelings, quite as much as it loves drama. But it cries for a compensation, too, to see itself in a positive light. And the best way to do that is to criticize others and by that, feeling better or superior to them. So for me, these judgements and criticisms towards others felt like a treat. Whenever I judged or criticized someone it felt like a confirmation that I, on the other hand, was / smarter / more honest / stronger / a better person. And with nurturing such thoughts and feelings I got further reinforced that I was right. Right in how I saw things, people, the world. Catch 22, isn’t it?

You may be familiar with some of the above. I’ve worked with many people for the past years as a Karma Killer Yoga instructor and I know that there are differences, there are individual patterns, the emphasis can shift. But at the end of the day, our egos work in very similar ways.

The first and foremost thing I remember happened was quite in the beginning. It was a long time ago, only a couple of months into my practice of Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program. Back then, it wasn’t a conscious decision to change this attitude, as I wasn’t aware of its toxic nature in the first place. So the role of the conscious mind was more to notice the change instead of initiating it.

What happened was that every time such a circle of thoughts and accompanying emotions emerged, I realized that something was off. I noticed that doing so didn’t give the same, ‘comforting’ feeling. With each judgment or criticism came a flashback when I did or behaved in a similar way, or out of similar intentions. They were rather sharp and had an air of warning. And they made it more difficult for me to go on with my familiar routine, taking away a good share of the fun.:) 

Anyhow, I was grateful for noticing this change, as, although no new information was introduced into the equation, without the practice I hadn’t been able to make this shift – I wouldn’t even be able to see the corrupted nature of the previous setting.

This, the power and the role of the mind in the process of transformation and development is actually a common theme and also sometimes a concern among our Karma Killer Yoga students. Fear sometimes comes up that in case the mind has a creative power, then we may, without intending to, create something negative or harmful.

Recently I had a talk with one of our students where she told me about her worries of letting some bad energy enter her body when she takes an inhalation. She had a fear that if her mind is not strong enough to concentrate on good and supporting energies to come, then she’ll attract something harmful in her body and in her life.

So we were talking a bit about how the exercises of Karma Killer Yoga worked out by Anamé Valéria Balázs, the founder of Anamé Program are able to make a change on a level deeper than that of the mind. This is how it was possible that, many years earlier, I only noticed the change in my way of thinking, which I did not consciously generate.

The human mind, although can be a powerful tool, is not strong enough to block the energetic change generated by the exercises of Karma Killer Yoga. They bypass the mind. If the exercises and the energy behind them was not strong enough to do so, it wouldn’t allow such deep transformations that I experience, and also see every day. 

Does it mean that where you aim your focus, which is the product of your mind, doesn’t matter? It does matter. The energy flows where your attention rests. But this process is never going to ask you more than you’re capable of: for most people it’s incredibly hard, if not impossible to keep their attention on their breathing or certain body parts.

So what counts here is your intentions. If you do your practice with the intention of development and healing and you’re persistent, change will come. Even if it seems impossible to remain focused and your attention drops the breathing and the area you’re working with a thousand times, it’ll happen. By bringing your focus back as many times as needed (and sometimes being unable to do so despite your efforts), your entire energy system, together with your mind will eventually become clearer, stronger and more structured.

The next steps in the process of self-love and self-acceptance

After the first step of realizing similar flaws in myself than what I used to criticize in others the intensity of my judgement was naturally turned down. I began to look at myself and others with more empathy. Seeing more and more the pain or the fear behind the actions, which made it inconceivable to blame them or judge them for their actions or behaviors.

It’s important to note here that such thoughts had crossed my mind before I started practicing: it did occur to me (and sometimes proved to be right, too), that what I saw as unconcern or unkindness was coming from fear or painful experiences. Still, it was not enough to change that inner atmosphere of negativity.

I began to feel what a waste of energy it is to blame and criticize myself. Here I don’t mean those cases when having a retrospect at a certain situation or a conversation you find your deed or reaction incorrect or unjust or in any other way inappropriate. I mean those never ceasing stories and inner conversations that run around the same theme of you being incapable or insufficient, underlined with stories and situations.

This also goes the other way around, of course, with others being incapable and insufficient, underlined with stories and situations…

And what about others?

I used to have this feeling of being alone, since I was a small child. There were circumstances which brought forth or reinforced this feeling, but the reasons are probably too diverse to analyse here. But there was always a strong feeling of having no one to rely on and if I wanted to survive, I had to solve my own problems, I had to figure out things and act on them. Alone.

So I always felt like an outsider, even when I tried to make friends or look for a relationship. In the family, at school, later, during my university years, at my workplaces, everywhere. Strangely, it didn’t mean that I necessarily had a bad time somewhere or I wasn’t accepted, respected or liked. 

But still, there was this feeling of somehow not being included. Many cases I was pretty sure about certain people not liking me only to learn later that this feeling lacked any foundation. But before learning the truth my usual reaction was to push these people away from me with my behavior, which was only partly conscious. For the most part, I just acted out of fear. 

Now I see that one of the greatest potential for development we offer to each other. In the everyday conflicts, stressful, painful situations as well as those that are filled with love and support and attention.

A journey from fear to joy

I was about 14 years old when I overheard a part of a conversation my mom had on the phone. It happened some weeks or a month before Christmas and was about a stereo sound system someone from the family winning on maybe a crossword puzzle game. They were talking about how it could be my Christmas present. 

I didn’t understand why my mom would talk about it while I was at home: it was not a big flat and if someone was on the phone you could hear what they were saying without eavesdropping. Maybe she didn’t realize I was at home – I never got to know the reason.

Anyway, I heard it and I was really happy but also a bit disappointed about my present not going to be a surprise.

A couple of days later something happened at the school, where, by the end of elementary school, I was considered to be a somewhat ‘problematic’ child. Here it’s probably good to mention that the teacher(s) who categorized me as problematic did the same with every child who did anything else than to sit in silence at the classes.🙂 So I did something inappropriate (I don’t remember what it was), and my mom learnt about it – most likely the school sent a note.

In the meantime, Christmas was approaching and I was really looking forward to it. I loved the family parties, getting together, the laughs, the excitement of everyone opening their presents, the happy faces, the good meals, the lights. And this year, I was really looking forward to the stereo sound system I wasn’t supposed to know about.

But when Christmas night finally came, the stereo sound system didn’t come with it. Instead, I received a four-color fabric paint. It was a shock on more levels. For one, it was a huge disappointment compared to what I thought I was going to get..but if possible, the other thing was even worse. The four-colored fabric paint I did receive had been laying on the kitchen counter for several weeks before Christmas. As my mom was working with fabrics I didn’t ask what it was for, I just shoved it away whenever I needed more space on the counter.

So, how do you think I reacted when I got that paint as a Christmas gift? Burst out in tears? Ran out of the room? Muted out of shock looking sad and disappointed?

Nope. None of the above. I opened the box and smiled, thanking for the gift, while my heart was breaking inside, it hurt so much. But the fear of showing what was going on inside was greater: no one noticed anything.

From an early age I had an experience that there are no true, heart to heart relationships. It was only a hint back then, of course, but deep inside I had the feeling that no one really responded to my need for sharing and protection and eventually, I was on my own, being unable to truly connect myself, depending on no one else, feeling alone. I had to rely on myself, there was no one to rely on. The feeling of loneliness and disconnection I felt among people in general: that no one really cared about one another, only playing a role based on some common rules. It was unnerving and alienating at the same time.

From an energetic point of view, no wonder that by the time I could look at myself from that point of view my body at the area of my heart chakra (the chest and the upper back) was rigid and tense, and pretty much closed (shoulders more forward than the sternum). Accordingly, I was distant and seemingly cold in my relationships, which usually interpreted to others as the lack of feelings and a general reserved attitude.

The exercises of Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program began to loosen and open up my heart chakra by cleansing and energizing it with breathing and simple movements. 

On the physical level, my sternum moved forward compared to the shoulders, naturally straightening my upper back, while from a psychic standpoint I became more open to both giving and receiving love. As for my life, now, as a Karma Killer Yoga instructor, my life is all about connecting with people, which gives the most powerful basis for any healing.

During these years of my transformation I combined the free yoga exercises of Anamé Program with Karma Killer Yoga courses and other, auxiliary products like Anamé Music, Anamé energized crystals and water, and the books written by Anamé Valéria Balázs: Karma Killer and Chakra Program. Links are below;)

So does true, heart-to-heart connection exist or not?

And what happened to my earlier perception of no one really caring about one another, only playing a role based on some common rules?

I still think it has a basis. And I still see it happen many times when looking at human interactions. 

The difference is that I don’t see this phenomenon any more as a terminal station. But more like a transitional phase, which is about the state of our heart chakra, as a community. The state of humanity’s heart chakra, if you like.

And yes, it does exist. We all know it deep inside our hearts and we crave it. The feeling of loneliness and disconnection comes from a false perception of separation. And in this separation we see our differences more than we see our oneness, we see more harshly what divides us than the source that connects us.

In the next post I’m planning to talk about the changes I noticed in myself and others in living joyfully: what was the starting point and where I am now, how I see it can change for others. So, from an energetic perspective, the topic is going to be the sacral chakra. Can’t wait. Are you coming?

And the links. I did not forget.🙂


Karma Killeré-Valéria-Balázs-ebook/dp/B079SYDQV6

Chakra Program – The Secret Behind Anamé Programé-ebook/dp/B079T2FB8H/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Chakra+program+anamé&qid=1614928977&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

For energized crystals, please drop an email at

Anamé music is soon coming in English as well, but until then, here’s a teaser (don’t worry about the language, the frequency does the trick)😉

5 ways to make your relationships better

If you listen to everyday conversations, no matter if at a big party, a family lunch or a fleeting encounter with a friend, a big share of the conversations are going to form around the topic of human relationships. 

Without any doubt it’s an important topic. If you look around, most relationships you see are problematic in one way or another. In this blogpost I’d like to give you easy-to-implement tips to address relationship problems, all of them based on my personal and professional experience as a Karmia Killer Yoga instructor by Anamé Program.

I thought I’d begin with romantic relationships, and then go on with relatives and friends. Even if you have issues with these other two types, I encourage you to read the first part of the post, too, as a human relationship is a human relationship after all. Therefore, when we talk about raising them to a higher level and coming out of the hamster wheel of repeated scenes, situations and casting, we’ll find more similarities than differences.

Those you’re living together with are almost always the people with whom you have the deepest karmic relationships, therefore they will be the ones to support your development the most (and vice versa). Now, as super inspiring as it may sound, sometimes it doesn’t feel like that much fun.:)

But as always, there’s a choice. As an illustration, I’ll show you two different types of romantic relationships. I deliberately chose examples from my own life, so that what I’m talking about is real and not just a bunch of thoughts and ideas. 

It’s important to mention that it’s not my intention (and as a human being, not my job;)) to judge anyone, including myself. And of course, these stories, just like any other, have two sides, and now you’ll hear only my side of them.

So I encourage you to not judge the characters or their behaviour, either. Because judgement has never ever helped raise any relationship to a higher level. Therefore, the reason that I share these stories with you is not because I want some comfort or empathy and to ‘have’ you on my side. It’s because I see many relationship issues and work with the pain that’s connected to them. And I know from experience that there are more effective and more thorough ways of solving issues than simply trying to communicate better (although as a general rule, good communication is crucial to a well functioning relationship). 

Relationship type A;)

She’s had a difficult time at the workplace. Someone accused her of an attitude that really isn’t characteristic of her. Saying that she is selfish, throwing her intention to help in a different light, suggesting that she doesn’t care about the welfare of others, of her colleagues. 

She feels it to be such an unjust attack that she doesn’t even want to defend herself. What can she even respond if that’s really how they see her? If after so many years of working together they don’t see that her intentions are good.

She’s heading home, feeling the need for attention. For her partner to give it to her and the other way round as well. She’d like some cuddling and intimacy. She opens the door and enters.

He’s in the kitchen, doing the dishes. He comes to see her and greets her with a kiss and there’s some small talk. He’s had something to eat already so she quickly makes some rice noodles with vegetables for herself. While she’s preparing the food, he asks if there’s anything wrong, anything he can help with.

She hesitates, feeling the urge of sharing her thoughts and emotions with him. It’d be nice to have a look at what happened from a different point of view, a different angle. She’d like to see the possibility of growth and development. She’d be open to a different approach, helping her to see what this situation wants from her, holds for her. And she’d like to feel the connection between them, him and her, the care, the support.

It’d be nice. But. Experience tells her to be cautious. Other nights with other stories and separate dinners. With him behind the computer screen, asking politely what the matter is. But not really listening, not really caring. She telling her story, followed by some grunt of him, intended to be sympathetic and a quick plaster of I love you. She again, being left lonely, the most painful feeling in a relationship.

So she’s reluctant to say it. Sometimes she goes for it and risks ending up feeling lonely again. But not tonight. She doesn’t want to, it hurts already.

Relationship type B;)

She opens the door. He’s just back from shopping for groceries. She feels welcome, expected. 

It’s kind of late, time for dinner, so she goes help him in the kitchen. There are some good laughs but he knows that something is off and asks. 

She tells him. Lay the table and light the candles, we’ll talk about it over dinner. Is that alright?

With only the light of the Himalayan salt lamp and the candles their ‘dinner playlist’ is on. He’s asking questions. Wants to investigate what it is in her that tries to convince her that she’s not good enough. Or justifying her sharp reaction, lashing out. 

Talking to him, she knows already that what she’s giving way to is one of her blockages. She says it’s no good. He shows her another angle, one that’s rather based on love and development, and not on her fear-based judgments. He knows those, some of them out of his own experience. He tells her how much he loves her for being able to see it, too. How much he admires her sensitivity for the truth and her strength to face her blocks and go against her fears. 

She feels accepted. Loves him and is grateful to and for him at the same time. The way he listens, connects, loves, supports, stays with her. He may be in a similar situation tomorrow. She’ll be there for him, too.

The conclusion

There’s a tragedy to the first one. It’s not an abusive relationship and there’s no ‘bad one’ in it. People live in far worse relationships. There’s still love, of some sort. Here, the tragedy is much more the pain of a life without true connection, which is so common that we consider it to be normal.

These two relationships are not fictional. They are both examples from my own life, before you accuse me of using some movie scenes to press my point.;)

Five tips

  1. Common goals. Share pictures in which you imagine yourselves as a happy couple. Let it be detailed and colorful and feel amazing. Imagine your daily routines: how it feels to wake up next to each other. What thoughts and feelings you have when you open your eyes in the morning and see him/her lying in the bed next to you. How you spend your free time together, at home or outside, the activities you share and even how you spend those everyday moments in the kitchen or in the bathroom.
  1. Be grateful. This is a crucial one. If you forget to be grateful for the person who is by your side, your partner, you will start to take him or her for granted. And taking each other for granted, taking the relationship for granted is like a death sentence. It won’t necessarily mean that you’re actually going to break up. But it doesn’t matter, because a relationship can die without the two parties actually breaking up with each other and deciding to go on separately.

And how do you know if the relationship has died? There’s a feeling to it and most of the time we know exactly if this is the case, we just don’t like to acknowledge it. In such cases there’s no flow, no evolution and no living connection. You just run around in the same circles, playing the assigned role.

So take the time and the energy to regularly tell each other what you value, what you love or admire in the other and that you’re grateful for him or her and for your relationship. It may feel like a nuisance, especially if you’re tired or immersed in everyday worries and problems, but I encourage you to try it anyway. You’ll be surprised to see that the energy you put into this practice will come back multiple times.

  1. Give your attention
Attention is crucial in any relationship

Attention is energy. We may not look at it like that, but whenever we withdraw from whatever our partner is going through, being meager with our attention, we’re trying to save energy. This is a false idea, so don’t fall into its trap. Because by holding back your energy in order to keep it for yourself you’re blocking its natural flow between the two of you. It’s a bit similar to airing the room during wintertime: you may be reluctant to do so because even if you feel drowsy at least it’s warm inside and the cold wind feels unfriendly. But when you finally decide to let some fresh air in you feel better, more energized and alert. 

The same way, when instead of sparing yourself you commit time and attention to your relationship, you’ll give it a boost of energy. And in the free flow that’s being born it’s easier to let go of old harms and grievances. And then there’s more space for true and clear connection and for the power that’s being born out of it, for creativity and joy.

  1. Address the problems. Undisclosed issues tend to sink deeper and create blockages, which, in time, can hinder the free, equal and loving connection that form the basis of all good relationships.

There may be topics that are too painful or otherwise hard to talk about. There may be other strong feelings like anger that, if you let them out uncontrolled, may be more about taking an old harm out on your partner or taking revenge than about actually solving the problem. If this is the case, then you may be fooling yourselves by saying that you’re working on the problems while in reality what happens is that both parties are cherishing their grudges, blaming the other or themselves, the circumstances or all of this combined. Should this be the case, it can be helpful to use methods that bypass the mind to eliminate the risk of deceiving yourselves. So I put together a list of such methods that you can use for free.

  1. Extra crutches

The soul exercise by Anamé Program

If you’ve read any other blogpost by me, you must have encountered this one. This exercise will help you connect to each other and also to divine support beyond words, higher up than where the conscious mind can reach:

In case you suffer from high blood pressure, reflux or panic attacks, try this one instead:

With any other health issue please consult your healthcare provider for any possible contraindications.

It’s ideal if you repeat it 3-5 times in the morning and then do 3-5 repetition again in the evening, together. But if it doesn’t fit your daily routine, feel free to modify the routine according to your daily schedules. Remember that having only one round instead of two or doing it separately or with fewer repetitions is still better than not doing it. 

∙ The soul consciousness exercise by Anamé Program

Find a place in your flat or house for an altar. Place your photographs on it or if you don’t have one, choose an object that symbolizes your relationship: it can be a photograph, maybe a souvenir from a holiday and a candle or a tea light, some flowers if you like. Keep it simple, nice to look at, lean and well organized. The way you invite this altar into your home, invite each other, your relationship into your heart.

Light the candle and practice the soul exercise and/or meditate in front of the altar every day. The soul exercise goes with a mantra, which you repeat at the end, during your breath retention. You can use it if it feels right: I love and accept myself and everyone else. We are one.


Stand or sit comfortably, facing each other. Breathe in and bring your attention from your heart to the other’s. Breathe out, and bring your attention back to your heart. Continue for 5-10 minutes, as it feels good. At the end of it, you may say to each other (in yourselves or aloud): I love you with all my heart and I forgive you. You are free and I am free, too.

Soul frequency by Anamé Music – crown chakra

Frequency is another crutch when it comes to inner work. It’s able to help you tune to a higher energy level when you feel that the conflict is too big for you to handle. This one is accompanied by a guided meditation by Anamé Valéria Balázs, the founder of Anamé Program. And although at the moment it’s available only in Hungarian, I still encourage you to try, because its binaural frequencies work perfectly well without understanding the words. In case it’s disturbing, feel free to turn down the volume until you cannot hear Anamé talking – the frequency will still do its job:

Family, friends, people who passed away or you’re not keeping contact with

Basically, the same rules apply. It’s important to remember that even if your grievance is just, your soul will still ask you to forgive, not only because love is the law of the universe, but because you yourself also agreed to it when you came to this world – out of your free will.

It doesn’t mean that you won’t have negative feelings on the way or that you shouldn’t have them. The path of development is not about suppressing the problems or conflicts. It’s about transcending. To understand with our whole being that my suffering is your suffering and vice versa. And we can only get rid of it together.

So with whomever you have a problematic relationship, if you live in the same household, you can apply any of the above techniques, tailoring it to the type of relationship. 

In case the other party doesn’t feel like working on the relationships, or you live separately, or the other has already passed away, see point 5 above, with the extra crutches. You can do all of them alone. As for the meditation, you may imagine the other sitting or standing opposite you.

Give them time. For me and many other people they worked wonders. And I’m excited for you, because I know that should you decide to try, an amazing journey awaits you.

In the next post we’ll go on with the topic of relationships, including that to ourselves, discussing their role and importance. Hope to see you there!

Seven ways to induce real change in your life – the jumbo jet challenge with Anamé Program – part 2

In the previous post I wrote about the effect of your diet and body/skin care routine. In this one I’ll continue with some more useful tips: all of which have already been tested thoroughly.:)

So, without further ado, if you don’t mind, I’ll go on with listing them.

Practice and meditation

Long years of experience show that the exercises and meditations of Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program are inevitable for me in keeping a high energy level, which is the best way to invite positive change. 

And whenever I feel my energy level drop, resistance is popping up for sure, which can easily become a vicious circle. So what I’ve learnt is no matter how tired or depressed or upset I feel, it’s important to convince myself to practice every day, even if for a couple of minutes per day, if that’s the most I can do. I haven’t experienced such a low energy level in a long time now, but can remember it vividly and also how hard it is to do anything at all, let alone motivate myself. 

The free yoga exercises of Anamé Program are designed specifically to elevate you to a higher energy level on a physical, emotional and spiritual level as well.

So that would be my most important advice: be consistent with your practice! In case you cannot keep up with the five repetitions of body, soul, spirit and unity exercises followed by one stress relieving exercise, then do as many as you can. One is already more than nothing.:)

The second one is just as important: love yourself! Try not to look at your daily practice as another task that you somehow need to squeeze into your already crammed daily routine. Instead, try to see it as valuable time that you spend with yourself, for your development, your wellbeing.

Try to start your day with practice! It really makes a difference, as it gives you a boost of energy for the day. You’ll feel more focused, collected and ready to face the challenges ahead of you.

Whenever the change you’d like to see in your life or your goal seems to be hopeless or far away, even impossible or if you’re told that it’s downright idiocy, start doing the exercises instead of letting yourself be discouraged. So whenever you’re afraid or worried or in doubt about yourself or your goal, just stop the negative cycle by starting to practice.

A piece of advice you can hear often is if you have negative thoughts or feelings, just break the negativity and turn it into positive. This is good advice. The only problem with it is that to be able to do that, you need the focus, composedness and self-discipline of an already relatively high energy level. But in too many cases when you feel down, it’s hard to find these qualities in you, if possible at all. Or you may be a type of person for whom they don’t come naturally. 

If that’s the case with you, or during difficult times turning your attitude or your point of view and changing your inner environment may be just too much to ask for. But, depending on the severity of your problem, doing some exercises, even for a couple of minutes per day will already help trigger change. 

In my own life, I’d gone through some hard periods of depression. They were not so severe that I’d seek medical help, but bad enough to feel completely unmotivated and cut from positive thoughts or feelings. So I know very well, from my own experience that in some settings or situations, when even to make it through your day somehow seems to be a huge challenge, you simply won’t have what it takes to turn a negative cycle round with using your mind and willpower. 

And even if you manage to do so, in too many cases it is not permanent. When you have a more powerful minute or day you feel you can manage but then you may lose it again. If you’ve ever experienced that yo-yo effect, you should definitely try the exercises. With their help you will be able to turn the process: by raising your frequency you gain more control over your inner environment, your emotional and mental states. So remember, that only a higher energy level gives you the freedom of choice. Being in a lower frequency band won’t allow you to choose. On the contrary, it’ll determine your inner environment, squeezing you into a narrow range of reactions, both inside and outside.

The more specific your goal is, the stronger and faster you want your life to change, I recommend the personalized exercises of Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program, as well. Not because the free exercises are not effective. But as with everything else in your life, there is an energetic component to this matter, too. 

And although you can find them in earlier posts as well, the five free exercises you’ll find once more at the end of this post (please observe the sequence. The general recommendation is five repetition per exercises. In case of any health condition please consult your healthcare provider. In the case of high blood pressure, reflux or panic attacks please choose the modified versions).


When it comes to lifestyle, basically wherever you turn, you’ll definitely run into the advice of physical activity. It’s many positive effects on your health and overall wellbeing are proved scientifically, too, in several aspects.

So we all know that being physically active can not only ensure a better quality of life but can reduce the risk of various cardiovascular, gastrointestinal or skeletomuscular disorders, leads to improved immune reactions and an elevated mood.

From an energetic point of view, physical activity (ideally combined with spending time outside and getting some fresh air) generally helps to maintain a higher energy level. You may have experienced that if you’re at home feeling down and unmotivated or upset, it’s good to go out for a walk. Physical activity can contribute to getting stuck emotional or mental states moving and parallel to that get the energy flow more freely.

Another benefit is physical strength. If you’ve ever had an experience of being physically fit, you’ll know what I mean. And I’m not talking about looking and living like a fitness coach or spending hours in the gym 3-4 times a week. But if there has ever been a period in your life where you felt more fit compared to your – well, how do I put this:) – less fit yourself, due to some regular exercise or outdoor activity, you probably noticed the pleasant attributes. Being fitter means bigger strength – not only physically, but in the face of difficulties and hard times. It also provides a higher sense of stability.

Planning and organizing

Now, this one has many layers. I’ll start with the most obvious one, and then continue with the rest (in a well organized sequence;)). 

Planning your goal is an exciting project. It requires you to truly, deeply connect with yourself and with the desire of your heart. There’s no place for defeatism or being half-hearted here.

If you already figured it out, form it clearly, write it down and see it, feel it, keep it with you all the time.

If you don’t have it yet, feel free to spend time on it. At Anamé Program, we used to have courses whose theme was the heart’s desire. Anamé asked the questions: what is it that you really, truly want? What was so important to you that it was worth the effort to be born for? What is it that you want to see happen in your life so badly that you came to this world for it? She used to say it doesn’t matter if you don’t see how it could come true or how impossible it seems.

Just let yourself be still with these questions. Take your time, we’re not rushing anywhere.

It can also happen that you have absolutely no clue what the desire of your heart is, no matter how much you try to listen. What then? Sorry, you’re screwed. No, just kidding.:)

It’s alright, too, just go with something that you feel would make you happy and really content. It’s important that you don’t settle for OK, though. Go big. Find something that makes your heart sing, that makes your whole being want to dance. Something that makes you fall in love with your life.

Once you have your goal, see how it’ll change your life. The more details and feelings you connect with the picture, the better. Stay with it, keep it with you, live as if it was already a reality. How does it feel to wake up every morning and live that life? How does it look, what do you do, how do you feel yourself, whom you spend your time with, what thoughts and emotions you have, how do you treat yourself and others and how do they treat you in return?

Having set up your picture and the vibe of your new life, it’s good to plan and organize your routines and environment so that everything in your life supports it.

Whatever change you’d like to see in your life, you may achieve it faster if the way you live is structured, simple and transparent. Disorder and mess will invite similar vibrations and make it harder for you to picture and feel your new life clearly, while order, structure and simplicity will be of great help.

Start with creating a schedule. Plan your weeks and days in advance. Try to eliminate actions and habits that waste your energy. That energy you get back will be used for building your dream life. Think of it rather as a supporting frame, not as a rigid or rigorous one. As a general rule, the more clear and simple and effective it is, the more it’ll help you remain focused.

The same goes for your environment and the objects you are surrounded by and those that you use. The less clutter there is around you or the fewer unused, unliked, unnecessary or broken objects, the fewer things to divert your attention from what you’d like to invite into your life. So try to keep your surroundings clear, clean, organized, simple and free of clutter.

The more specific your goal is, the stronger and faster you want your life to change, I recommend the personalized exercises of Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program, as well. Not because the free exercises are not effective enough, but as with everything else in your life, the energy you invest in something will return. And the more you’re willing to do for your goal, the more you’ll see the results.


Everything that has been listed above will strengthen your ability to keep your focus. The creative power of focus does exist, but for most people it’s not strong and consistent and structured enough to show its true potential.

Clean, healthy food and body/skin care products and routines with regular physical exercise and the practice of Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program organized into well structured daily/weekly routines are all going to promote the creative power of your focus. They are useful tools in themselves, but combined with each other they form a very powerful basis for transformation and change.

Why? Where you place your focus, the energy follows. So why isn’t it enough to simply work with that? Because your focus, on the one hand, needs exercise, pretty much like your muscles do to get strong. And again, just like in the case of your muscles, it does matter on what type of ‘soil’, what nutrients they develop on. And it also matters what method you use for training them. For instance, it’ll be hard to develop well formed muscles by doing cardio work only and eating lots of sugar and fat.

Observation and mindfulness

And last but not least, it’ll be a constant endeavor to keep your focus and the elevated energy level you reached with the help of the previous six methods. So when you’ve reached your goal and the change you wanted begins to manifest in your life, you’ll have to keep it and cherish it.

It may sound like a never ending fight, but in reality, by the time you get there, the lifestyle that helped you reach your goal will become more attractive to you. With this change you’ll gradually feel uneasy with many things that seemed to be comfortable before.

So what are the things that will need your attention and require mindfulness? Reaching a higher energy level and working intently for your heart’s desire will bring up resistance. Personal growth and development always does. This is a natural phenomenon: don’t consider it as a sign of you doing something wrong or being stuck in your progress. 

You will, almost for certain, face all those shadows in you that try to hold your back from development. Trying to convince you that it’s all stupid or in the best case scenario useless. 

Fear, anger, feeling small and incompetent, desperate or sad: anything can pop up.   Negativity may even get stronger temporarily. 

Ok, let’s see what you can do if it happens. Well, the first and most important thing: do not stop your practice and routines! Remember, that’s exactly the goal of whatever is trying to hold you back. So don’t give in.

Notice whatever pops up, acknowledge it as part of the process and continue anyway. In case it’s overwhelming, be kind to yourself and make some compromises. Do fewer exercises, let yourself relax more.

Try to remain conscious of your inner processes. If a negative feeling or thought emerges, it may be a natural part of evolving: a pattern coming up to the surface and cleaning out of your system. It may also be a form of resistance when your old ways of acting and reacting (being, actually) are trying to shepherd you back to your old tracks of lower energy level. See which one it is. See which way it wants to take you. If it promotes the change you want and live that dream life of yours or tries to divert you from it. 

Hold on to what you want. With your choices, with what you eat and drink, with how you do your job, your environment, and how you treat yourself (both outside and inside), with being consistent and structured and focused. And don’t forget: whenever it feels too much, don’t overthink it. Just start doing the exercises, right away.

I hope you’ll enjoy the journey. 

In the next posts I’d like to talk about relationships: their importance and difficulties and what you can do to raise them to a higher level, which can help even in cases that seem to be beyond repair. It is an exciting topic and I really hope to see you there!

Body exercise:

Modified version:

Soul exercise:

Modified version:

Spirit exercise:

Modified version:

Unity exercise:

Modified version:

Stress relieving exercise:

Modified version:

Seven ways to induce real change in your life – the jumbo jet challenge with Anamé Program – part 1

In an earlier post, A three days trial for a happier life, I invited you to try a method for a higher energy level. In this post and the next one I’d like to share with you my experience in a more detailed way and based on that suggest easy to follow, simple steps that really help make a difference. At the end of the second part you’ll find a simplified ‘user guide’ for how you can implement the seven points within a 21 day jumbo jet challenge.

You may choose the ones that you like or change some elements according to your needs and lifestyle.

For me, there’s basically no positive change without keeping my energy level high. To explain what I mean by a high energy level maybe I should describe what my inner atmosphere is when it’s not high.;)

It’s easy for me to know: lower energy level in my case means a great deal of criticism towards others and myself and a general pessimistic attitude with constantly expecting (and trying to avoid) the worst case scenario. Thanks to practicing Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program and my lifestyle, though, I managed to transcend this energy level. But I still remember how it felt and when I notice a drop in my energy level, I still experience traces of my old ways of working. 

Most of the below listed elements of my lifestyle I’ve tested for the last more ten years, together and separately in various combinations. You’ll find that they are not strict rules, but rather ways to treat yourself well. This is a significant difference compared to lifestyle advice you may find elsewhere: the focus is more on the close and loving relationship with yourself than on packing your days with as many healthy habits as you can. 

So let me share with you what I’ve found.


I was 16 years old when I first stopped eating meat. It was only partly a conscious decision: it felt more like a calling. For a while I felt better and lighter thanks to my new diet. Then, around the middle of my 20’s I returned to eating meat, moderately, for a short period of time. 

During these times I noticed that being a vegetarian doesn’t mean to eat healthy. Now as I put it down it seems so obvious, but back then it wasn’t, at least not for me. 

So the second time I eliminated meat from my diet my approach was more conscious. I tried pescetarianism (consuming fish and seafood but no other types of meat) for a short period of time, ovo-vegetarianism (consuming eggs but no other animal products), lacto-vegetarianism (consuming dairy but no other animal products), and yes, as you may have guessed, ovo-lacto vegetarianism (consuming … come on, it should be easy now:)).

Finally, I was left with a plant based diet (no animal products at all. Well, honey is an exception for some.) It still was not the end, as out of curiosity I kept experimenting. 

Although the benefits of fasting are questioned by some, but that was another thing I felt a calling to do, and for me it proved to be quite useful. Many of the things I learnt I could’ve read about, but I’ve always liked to form my lifestyle and to choose what’s best for me based on my own experience.

The longest fasting I tried lasted for 12 days, plus the introductory and the settling days. One important thing I learnt is that food processing takes up a lot of energy. From about the third day on, I woke up every morning around 4 o’clock, completely, thoroughly rested and fresh. I went out for a long walk to the woods (for most days of the fasting I was away from home, on a holiday, which made it a lot easier to focus on the effects and the change I was going through), and did some exercises or went to the pool for an early morning swimming. I remained fresh and strong and energetic all day long.

The other thing I learnt was how much the physical-psychological-spiritual layers are linked together. Again, this is not something I couldn’t have learned from numerous sources, but to have a first hand experience was a whole other story for me. My thoughts were cleaner and calmer than usual and overall I was more relaxed. I could clearly see correspondences?…..       I’ve never see before – in connection with my own life just as well as with my mom’s, for instance. And the solution became clear with the seeing too. 

It was after the fasting I began to understand some stuff about how it works with the body wanting certain types of food and not others – regardless of how healthy or unhealthy they are considered.

Earlier, I had always wondered why it was that I used to crave for food that clearly wasn’t good for me. I thought that the body should be an intelligent system, knowing what is good for its health and what’s not. And once knowing it, it should be sending signals to the brain to want the types of food that are necessary and beneficial. 

What I noticed after the fasting is that the above theory, although obviously simplified, actually works, but only in case the body is not burdened with unnecessary or toxic substances. For me, the experience was rather unexpected: when I went shopping for food, certain sections in the supermarket I simply trespassed without even stopping, as the food I saw there I simply didn’t consider consumable – like dairy and pastries and sweets and a good share of processed food. Now, it was a weird experience, as I didn’t decide beforehand that I was going to avoid those types of food. Well, not all of them, and therefore I was surprised by some.

At that time I haven’t heard of the bowel system as second brain theory. Here goes a fragment from a Scientific American article for you, in case it’s unfamiliar to you:

[…] the second brain can control gut behavior independently of the brain, Gershon says. We likely evolved this intricate web of nerves to perform digestion and excretion “on site,” rather than remotely from our brains through the middleman of the spinal cord. “The brain in the head doesn’t need to get its hands dirty with the messy business of digestion, which is delegated to the brain in the gut,” Gershon [author of the 1998 book The Second Brain (HarperCollins)] says. He and other researchers explain, however, that the second brain’s complexity likely cannot be interpreted through this process alone.

The system is way too complicated to have evolved only to make sure things move out of your colon,” says Emeran Mayer, professor of physiology, psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences at the David Geffen School of Medicine at the University of California, Los Angeles (U.C.L.A.). For example, scientists were shocked to learn that about 90 percent of the fibers in the primary visceral nerve, the vagus, carry information from the gut to the brain and not the other way around. “Some of that info is decidedly unpleasant,” Gershon says.

In case you’re interested in the whole article I included the link at the end of this post.

But there’s a great amount of information you can find on the topic, if you’re interested.

When I heard about this concept of the second brain, years later, I was given a deeper understanding of the basis of my own experiences.

The next determining factor on this journey of diet and nutrition for me was my 21 day raw food challenge. By then I had been a vegan for several years. I came across a raw food chef whose attitude and way of thinking about food and eating was really appalling to me, but I didn’t feel the call to go 100% raw. I simply felt that I needed a boost in this field of my lifestyle, so I decided to go with it for 21 days. It was a great experience. 

During the first week, I didn’t feel anything special, nor any significant change to how I usually am. From about the 12th day I began to really feel the difference. On the one hand I felt a lot lighter, my overall mood was better and I became more steady both emotionally and mentally. 

On the other hand – and it was unexpected and therefore a very pleasant surprise – I started to enjoy the food even more than I usually do. I do like eating generally, but it was a whole different, unprecedented experience. I did not simply enjoy the taste of the food, but I could feel how – it may sound weird, I know – my body was happy with what I was eating. The feeling of being taken care of and nourished and the gratitude for all this added up to the heavenly flavours. I wasn’t thinking about it, I was feeling it on a cellular level.

After the 21 days my body expressed quite unambiguously what kind of food it wanted. It was vegan and gluten free with vegetables and something green with each meal, except for breakfast, when I had fruits and porridge on most days. It was obvious that an entirely raw diet was great for a challenge, but not suitable for me as a lifestyle. But still, the challenge was an immeasurably valuable experience.

To this day, this is the diet I try to keep, vegan, gluten free with lots of raw fruits and veggies. In case it’s not possible for any reason, I make sure that what I eat is vegan.

When it comes to nutrition, please note that I am not a health care specialists and therefore not qualified to give you professional dietary advice. Especially if you have any health condition, please consult your nutritionist or health care provider.

Also, feel free to experiment. Have fun with trying different things and see how you react physically, emotionally and mentally. 

And don’t forget that eating is not only a physical act. Making dinner together with someone you love and having it in candle light while listening to some nice music is about so much more than simply providing your body with the necessary nutrients.

Body/skin care routine

When it came to the relationship with myself, the first thing I understood was the importance of how I consider myself. 

I understood that it doesn’t matter how professional or expensive your skin care products are if the conversation that’s running in your head is about self judgement and blame. It can be on different levels of course: you may be discontent with your body or with certain features of your character, or you may be criticizing yourself for various reasons. 

But no matter where you see these flaws, by concentrating on them and repeating them to yourself you give them constant energy, and it’ll have an effect on how you treat yourself during your everyday self care routine.

Also, with time the negative, criticizing thoughts and feelings can leave their marks on your body, on your face. If nothing else, there are already studies that show how stress can have a negative effect on your skin:

We’ve all heard, at one point or another, that beauty starts from within. And for good reason: Your skin is your body’s largest organ. External issues can be a telltale sign of the wars waged within.

While bottled serums and sheet masks possess a certain level of aesthetic and soothing allure, a solid skin care routine may not be enough to provide calm for the imbalanced hormone battles happening underneath the surface.

Fact: Stress makes your skin battle harder. The increased jump in cortisol can jumble up the messages your nerves decide to send, causing anything from an outbreak of hives to fine lines.

While this correlation between stress and skin can be traced back to ancient times, formal studies revealing the deeper connection only date back to the last two decades.

The link of the article you’ll find below, at the end of this post.

But it seems obvious that stress is not the only internal factor that has an effect on our skin, and as a general rule, on how we look.

So what’s the solution? Well, nothing complicated, actually: love. The way you take care of yourself, of your body is of utmost importance. Looking at it from an energetic point of view: your arms, your hands belong to your heart chakra. So whenever you touch yourself, you convey a message to your body. And it’s your decision if you want it to be the message of love. 

For me, there are a couple of practices that have been working very well, and that I’d like to share with you. But again, feel free to experiment and find out what feels right for you, what’s efficient and what it is that makes your routines true and loving self care rituals. 

  1. Dry brushing in the morning, followed by a cool shower and applying some oil like almond or coconut on my still moist skin. I find it very energizing, making me feel ready for the day. (Please note that if you have inflamed skin including skin conditions such as eczema and psoriasis, you should avoid dry brushing over the inflamed area. You should also avoid dry brushing over an open wound, otherwise you may introduce bacteria to the wound, which could lead to infection.)
  1. This is relatively a new finding, but I love it so much that I’ll share it here. As a part of the morning cleansing-toning-hydrating routine I introduced a face roller, which is, in my case equipped with an energized Anamé crystal. I also use some Karma Killer Yoga breathing exercises while doing the rolling. At first I was quite sceptical about the benefits of tossing a piece of crystal on my face back and forth.:) But it’s really cool: I love the feeling and it makes my face firmer and more alive. So, although this one is new, it has proven enough to become a definite keeper.
  1. As a closure for my evening skincare routine (which is very simple, by the way, with cleansing and toning) I like to use some organic oil, usually with wild rose or hemp. My skin reacts to oils a lot friendlier than to creams. What I like to pay attention to is exfoliation (physical and chemical in turns), using my Clarisonic face brush. 

As you can see, my body/skin care routine is quite simple and doesn’t require many products or take up a lot of time. 

In the next post I’ll add 5 more elements to the above list: the practice of Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program (which is, by the way, a perfect yoga for beginners), exercise, planning, focus, and as a final point, observation and mindfulness. And to sum it up, I’ll give you the outlines of an easy to follow 21 day challenge to kick off the change in your life you’ve been waiting for. See you next week, cheers!

How karma cleansing can give you the key to a happy, content and full life?

It’s a common idea that any kind of spiritual path is for those who don’t have real problems to deal with. I’ve heard various versions of this underlying notion during my years of practicing and teaching Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program. 

One of them is that I’m a practical person and that’s how I approach things in my life. There’s this misunderstanding that spiritual evolution, a spiritual journey are somehow disconnected from real, everyday life. I use the word misunderstanding deliberately, as the above idea suggests that spirituality is something to think about instead of something to live.

Another one is I need to pay the bills and manage my life, I don’t have time for such ideas. Or I understand if someone would like to see meaning and purpose in their lives, but I rather base my judgement on the facts, on what I can see.

Let’s do a little experiment here. I’ll take an imaginary model who has similar views to the above ones and do a chakra diagnosis on her. She’s only invented to keep the personal part out of the way, but real enough for us to feel that we know her. I’ll give you a description of her body and some characteristic patterns of her thoughts and emotions. But before we dive into that experiment, I’d like to point out very clearly that such a diagnosis is never based on judgement. We all have our blocks and stories behind them. To use the diagnosis to judge each other in any way or to feel superior to others is a serious mistake and a misunderstanding of the whole point of it.

So please, while you read further, keep the above in mind. We’re all one, helping one another along this journey of life. Alright then, judging off, curiosity and the will to evolve on. Ready? 

Chakra diagnosis in Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program is always based on the body. That’s because it’s objective. The position of the bones, the way and place of the breathing, the tenseness or laxness of the muscles, the proportions of the body are all important landmarks. They show where the flow of the energy is blocked. It’s important to keep in mind that as long as we’re alive, the flow is never entirely blocked. And this whole beautiful system shows where we should be starting the work.

Root chakra

So let’s start with the root chakra. What exactly are we looking at here? The part of the body between the tailbone and the soles of the feet.

This chakra is responsible for how we are connecting to this physical world, to our roots: our ancestors and family. Our deepest fears reside here, especially existential ones. This is the chakra where our instincts are, the place of the fight or flight response. Our connection to survival and food are coded here. 

It provides us with a stabilizing force both physically and emotionally. 

And how does it look for our imaginary model? Well, she’s someone with curves, relatively short. She has a lumbar lordosis (an exaggerated inward curve of the spine, sometimes referred to as ‘swayback’), and because of that, her tailbone is pointing upward. 

Now, as we’re talking about a chakra that’s connecting us to the material world, the stability and its grounding force have signs on our bodies, too. It means that the hip bones and the tailbone are heavy, pointing toward the ground, sort of weighing us down. Otherwise the relationship to this material world is not optimal. As if something was pulling us out of it, leaving us lacking a free flow in our finances for instance, or destabilized in a challenging situation. 

What would happen if she started practicing Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program? 

Well, on the level of the body her lordosis would start to be corrected. It’d mean a bigger distance between her vertebrae in her lower back, giving the tailbone that downward direction. And because of that correction her usual lower back pain would start to diminish.

On the level of her emotions and life she’d begin to feel less fear, more stabilized and calm. 

Sacral chakra

Here, we’re looking at the girth of the sacrum and lower abdomen. 

This chakra is often referred to as the sex chakra. But it’s actually a lot more to it. It’s responsible for the flow of life, for enjoying life, creativity, playfulness and of course, plays a part in relationships and sexuality as well.

As for our model, remember her lordosis? As it affects not only the lumbar part, but her entire lower back right down to the last bone, the tailbone, the sacral chakra will have a bit of a closed position. And what does that mean?

Well, let’s dispel a common misconception here of closed chakras. There is no such thing as a closed chakra. As long as we are alive, the energy is flowing through our energy system and through our chakras, therefore they are not closed. There can be, and for all of us there are smaller or more severe blockages of course, but they never block the way of energy flow completely. 

So here, in our case the vertebrae at the sacral segment of the spine are closer to each other and as a compensatory mechanism, the muscles in the lower abdomen are more tense than necessary, resulting in that partly closed position. 

Such position of this body part makes it hard to relax and enjoy our lives. And by enjoying our lives I don’t mean the ability to feel joy over the positive things or events. I mean the joy that’s coming from the feeling of increasing flow of life, which is with us all the time, regardless of what does or does not happen.

That is the ideal way of working of the sacral chakra, and in such a state we feel relaxed and energized at the same time, creative, and enjoying the force of our femininity or masculinity.

Solar plexus

What are we looking at here? The abdomen and the lumbar part of the spine. This is the center for health and life force, self confidence and the ability to set and keep your limits. It’s an important chakra for equal, balanced relationships without games and the need for any party to win or to play the victim. 

For our model, her lumbar lordosis brings her back pain on the physical level and a sense of powerlessness in her life. Her somewhat rounded and soft belly indicates her need for protection, as she feels that she’s too week to act for herself and to defend herself against so many attacks from the world outside. She generally feels to be a victim of the circumstances.

What changes would the practice of Karma Killer begin to bring about?

Besides the above mentioned spinal corrections she’d have the energetic conditions of getting rid of unwanted belly fat. I say conditions because obviously, when we talk about losing belly fat, we’re all aware that it’s a complex matter: it’ll depend on several factors including her diet, her lifestyle and whether or not she exercises regularly, just to name a few. But when it’s all based on a clean and powerful solar plexus chakra, everything goes much smoother. 

She’d gradually realize her own power and feel that it’s up to her what to let inside her own world and appreciate her own limits and those of others. Her relationships would begin to change from the defense and offense games to equal ones, giving way to truly heartfelt connections. 

Her intentions to set and reach her goals and her deliberation would be enforced.

Heart chakra

Which part of the body are we looking at here? The chest and the upper back. For our model, this area has emphasis. It shows that she has a big heart, feelings play an important role in her life and also to love and to be loved. 

It also shows that it brings her quite some pain, too. How? The muscles here are tense, and this is also where her breathing is (a bit shallow and the belly hardly moves with the breathing). In this state she cannot allow herself to decide how much to be involved emotionally in a situation. Because of the tenseness, the chest is not flexible, not offering the possibility for her to stay out. 

As a result, she falls out easily from her center should anything happen that affects her emotionally. Also, she often has the feeling of just giving but not really getting back in her relationships. It also brings her fear that she’ll be loved back only as long as she’s giving, in some cases well over her limits.

And what changes could she expect with practicing Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program?

Balance, love and joy to put it shortly. She would begin to feel that her sensitivity is rather a blessing, not a burden, as she had often felt earlier. Instead of feeling emotionally exploited she would observe her own feelings and be able connect truly, deeply from that place. She’d feel a lot more balanced and emotionally centered.

Throat chakra

The body part for us to look at here is the neck and the throat. This chakra is responsible for so much more than merely communication. It’s about how much you can present your core values to the world. It’s also about the truth in your life, in your relationships and about your true calling. 

For our model this part is a bit closed. The tenseness of the heart area and the tucked chin create a choky feeling. This state makes it hard for her to communicate her needs and feelings clearly and openly. Therefore she either holds them back or lets them out in a passive aggressive way. She cannot live according to her real values and doesn’t trust that anyone would actually care.

Let’s assume that she begins to practice Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program. What are the changes she’d start to notice?

Symptoms she might experience at the throat chakra, like having a lump in her throat or an addiction, would begin to heal (it’s important to know, that as with any real healing, symptoms may temporarily intensify).

Her communication would get clearer, what she says more aligned with how she says it. It’d come less from the fear of being pushed into the background and more from the desire to remain in the truth of any situation. Also, she’d begin to see her values fairly and would find it easier talking and acting based on them – while appreciating those of others.

Third eye

All chakras are important, of course, and all of them have their own role and purpose, but the third eye plays an important part in all of them. Similarly to the heart chakra, which can store the pain and hurt of old stories connected to the field of any other chakra (subjects like the right to live and be happy, self confidence and career, relationships, etc), the third eye chakra stores the explanations and views that are connected to them. 

In the body it’s located in between the chin and the top of the forehead. Important signs here are the face and the look, the tightness or looseness of the face muscles.

In our model’s case, it is an active area. She has the intense gaze of usually smart people, and the overtension of constant thinking and calculating, evaluating and creating scenarios is visible on her face.

And how does it affect her life? On one side, she’s an intelligent person with good perception skills and quick comprehension. On the flip side, she has many limiting worldviews and is judgemental.

Practice would let her third eye chakra work and serve in an optimal way, which is seeing things clearly, as they are, not filtered and colored by viewpoints and ideas about how things should be, or what others should think and how they should behave. It’d bring her new opportunities, fresh ways of looking at things, different solutions, and a more open and free perspective.  

Crown chakra

This is probably the most underrated one, as it’s hard to even formulate what it is about. It’s not like, say, you want to be better at respecting your limits and saying no, you work with the solar plexus chakra.

Crown chakra is a connection with what is above us, to the spiritual world.

Now, this is something that sounds good but hard to capture how it works in your everyday life and what’s the actual use of it. To put it shortly, thanks to this chakra is how all the others will be enlivened. Why? Because whatever you may be after – less stress, a well paid job, a loving relationship – will only be filled with something extra, something magical when you know that there’s a purpose to all of it, and you’re not alone. Then, and only then will your life become a truly interesting, inspiring and happy journey instead of being a lonely fight for whatever you want to achieve for your own good. 

In the body it’s covered by the top of the head from about the hairline and above. 

For our model it has a look as if she was carrying something heavy at the top of her head. In her life it means to feel alone and unprotected, caught in the grayness of everyday life. In which she’s defenseless against the twists and turns of life.

What changes could she expect with practicing Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program?

She’d begin to feel her days begin to fill with life and meaning, instead of being just time that you have to spend, or even worse, have to endure somehow. The pain that she’s somehow forgotten would start to dissolve in the feeling of being taken care of and guided. Fear and despair would fade slowly to give their place over to hope, trust, gratitude and joy.


Your chakras are not supposed to be storehouses. As long as they are, they determine your relationship with the different fields of your life, having an effect on them and working on a much deeper level than that of the mind, which is mostly unreachable and unalterable by your consciousness.

The good news is that this is not some kind of a punishment: it’s for your own good and promotes your evolution. And once you decide that you want that progress, chakra cleansing with Karma Killer Yoga by Anamé Program is a powerful tool regardless of your age, your physical state or flexibility, your ability to focus or whether or not you’ve ever been into spirituality.

All you need is intention and deliberate action that you designate time and energy for practice. And then, layer by layer you’ll clean away all the obstacles keeping you from a happy, content and full life.

In the next post I’ll be awaiting you with a jumbo jet challenge and useful hints to induce real change in your life. Don’t miss it!😉

How to let go of fear

No one likes to be afraid. Still, there are considerable differences in how we think of its role in our lives. If it is necessary or not, useful or not.

One might argue that fear is a crucial instinct that has helped us survive, still safeguarding us. Therefore it’s logical that to some extent it is a helpful feeling, keeping us from getting hurt and protecting our lives. 

When we think of that role of fear, it’s typically a response to an external threat to which the most ancient part of the brain, the amygdala reacts with setting off a series of actions in order to prepare the body to fight or flight. As a part of this process the brain basically shuts down, and the body prepares for action by, for instance, rising blood pressure, speeding up cellular metabolism, increasing the amount of glucose in the blood.

Most of the blood is directed to the body’s large muscles, like the legs, to provide them with enough energy. Functions slow down, like that of the immune system, because at that moment all that’s necessary is to be able to fight or run away.

And this function can indeed help us survive in serious, life threatening situations. 

Fear as a motivation

Another result of fear that may be considered positive by some is motivation. We’re ready to take on a whole bunch of things because of fear. Fear of our parents’ or teachers’ disapproval, losing someone or losing a job and many many more. 

So we learn and work and do things we otherwise may not be doing.

The animal and the divinity inside

So is fear a good or a bad thing?

Let’s try a different approach here. To be a human being means to have both the instinctive world of animals and the light of divinity within us, both at the same time. To be a human being is to be in transition from one to the other. It’s a temporary state, a significant step on our way to become, to evolve into that divine being that resides in each of us.

If you want to translate it to the level of chakras, our deepest fears are seated in the root chakra, connected to our survival, our very existence. As we go up higher in the chakras, fear is still there, even if in a more subtle way. But what’s the most curious thing is that at the level of the crown chakra, fear is not present. It’s simply not there. Quite the contrary. 

At the divine end of our being fear is not a factor. It dissolves in feeling loved and protected and taken care of and in that of everything is alright as it is. At that level the concept of fear itself cannot be interpreted.

Here our survival is shown in a different light, being aware of our eternity and inviolability. 

And the motivation we used to gather from fear starts to disappear, and even on the way the traces that remain are not powerful enough to push us any further. Instead, what we want is to be connected and act according to our highest self, aligned with the truth, fulfilling our purpose by serving God and all humanity.

Who’s in control?

So the question remains which part, which end of your being you intend to put in control. The part that is closer to the instincts, or the one that’s more about consciousness and the knowledge of being eternal, in unity with everything.

The first one results in a life driven by fear and desire. This life leaves us almost no choice: we’re automatically drawn either away from whatever we’re afraid of or pushed towards whatever we want for ourselves. 

The second offers us a way out: an opportunity to transcend the dragging and tossing of our fears and desires and reach a higher state of free choice, happiness and integrity.

Fear and ego

The ego doesn’t like the second option. It likes to be big and to play a part far beyond its actual role. 

And don’t be fooled by its games: playing small, feeling inferior and not enough is just the other side of the coin. The ego can dwell within it just as much as in feeling cool and superior, knowing everything better. It does everything to keep us under the illusion that we are in control. That we can influence the circumstances. And to do that, we just have to listen to it, moving away from fear, chasing our desires. 

As for me, I used to have no idea of how much my fears controlled my life. When asked, I could of course name some of them, like everyone else. But I had no idea of the depths. 

Until the time came for me to face it. Not such a long time ago, actually, I had to make a decision I really didn’t want to make. I felt that I was thrown in the middle of a situation where I didn’t want to be, having to make a choice I didn’t want to make. But I couldn’t run away, nor could I postpone the decision. It was a decision that greatly affected my whole life and that of everyone close to me.

So I tried to think, but there was a white fog where my brain should have been. I was on the edge of panicking, so I started practicing. I was looking for some ease, relief from that stressful situation. Instead, I just got worse. Fear I’ve never known before, never even thought existed suddenly came and possessed me.

It was overwhelming. It hardly let me move or breathe. Only then could I see how thoroughly it invaded my life, paralyzing me. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t make a decision. 

But there was no way to avoid it: so I said something. It may have looked like a choice but it didn’t feel like one. I just uttered something I knew would change lives without being able to think or feel anything.

Still, I will always be incredibly grateful for that experience. It showed me the depth of my fear and the enclosure of my prison cell. 

And I knew I didn’t want to live like that anymore. Not a minute longer.

Overcome, manage, let go

Another thing we have to decide is what approach to take? How do we want to deal with fear?

One way is just to accept it as an unpleasant but sometimes useful emotion. Or we believe that it does more harm than good and therefore we’d be better off without it. Either by somehow overcoming or managing it or, taking it a step further, letting it go, being able to dump it on will. 

Which one would you vote for?

If you check the first entry for overcome in the Cambridge Dictionary, you’ll find the following: to defeat or succeed in controlling or dealing with something.

Manage is similar to it in a way that it means dealing with something. Applying them to fear neither of them expresses a solution to eliminate it for good.

If you rather vote for overcome or manage, you’ll most probably look for some technique of breathing or visualization or awareness. They can be useful, but don’t promise to show a way out of the cage of fears.

Letting go already has a aura of relief, implying that we have choice. There’s a promise that when it emerges, we have the power not just to notice but to decide whether or not it’s useful or justified and based on that either keep it or leave it.

How does it work?

So letting go of fear is an ambitious idea, and not without a base. But still, for how many of us does it really work like that? 

For example, I used to be jealous in some of my relationships. 

I was well aware that the fear feeding my jealousy was not helping me or the relationship. I was aware that it was mostly coming from my feeling of insecurity during my childhood. I knew that letting my fear manifest in jealousy is not going to be of any help to keep the relationship or to elongate it even for a day more or to save me from pain. 

So I tried to convince myself to see it in a different light. Telling myself that I wanted to be in a relationship based on trust, because I cannot live otherwise. And if the other misuses that trust, then it won’t work out in the long run anyway. I told myself that my fear and jealousy won’t keep the other from cheating or lying. I also told myself that it’s so much better to feel yourself free in any relationship and give the other the same freedom. That way I can really give him the chance to stay with me of his own free will.

It all sounds fair and logical, isn’t it? So did it work? No. NO, it DID NOT work. I could see how insensible my fears were at the bottom of my jealousy, but that realization didn’t help get rid of my feelings. I felt they were coming from such a deep place in me, from the level of the gut, that no reasoning could reach there. 

I had to admit to myself that I wasn’t able to rationalize my fears away. And not only my fears but a lot more other feelings and accompanying thought patterns that seemed to be interwoven deep in my very cells. 

I’m not saying it cannot be done. I accept that some people’s minds are so strong that it may overpower these gut sensations. But mine was not. And as far as I can see, for many others the mission seems to be impossible as well.

Letting go for real

I know this post is about fears, but they cannot be separated from desires, because these two together cover basically all human motifs. All of us know both, but some people are driven mostly by fear, while others mostly by desires. You could say that one is better/safer then the other, but at the end of the day there’s not much of a difference: they keep you a captive.

And the thing is that our highest self, our very core will never be satisfied with being a captive. So in case we don’t want to make the conscious choice of moving towards our divine side and away from the animal side, our fate will still be working. It’ll be working on us whether by elevating us up to the skies or dragging down to the mud, but sooner or later leading us to make that conscious choice.

Because not one of us was born to be a captive. Bad circumstances and hardships can be a more harsh waking up call, but with time even a favorable setting will have a feeling of scarcity. 

Like being a prisoner on a wonderful island with white sand beaches and palm trees and an always pleasant climate where you stay protected from the sharpness of the rest of the world. But you’re still a prisoner, who may accept the situation and may even enjoy it temporarily, but at some point will want to feel whole and free and unrestricted.

The fastest and most thorough way I know is through the complex transformation system of Anamé Program, which includes the exercises of Karma Killer Yoga.

With its help I was able to get to a point where I could see how my fears were ingrained in all aspects of my life. The realization was shocking and dumbing at the same time. But by that time it came, thanks to the practice, their grip on my life was weakened enough for me to go against them consciously, too. For that, I had to accept that I’m not in control. I don’t control the circumstances and I don’t control the other’s feelings and thoughts.

And as obvious as it sounds, how many of us actually live our lives with this knowledge? Without trying to manipulate the circumstances or one another in order to end up with a more favorable outcome for ourselves?

And what I couldn’t do earlier in my life by convincing myself or reasoning with myself, dissolved by now.

Fear still revisits. It wants to bring jealousy with it, too. But now I’m able to say no, and what’s more important, I’m able to feel no. And how does it feel? Free. Free and light and happy and loving. There’s no gripping sensation I used to feel so impotent about.

And what does it feel like? Well, instead of the contracting feeling of fear I sense spaciousness, excitement and curiosity.

Freedom is being born

So let me tell you what happened to my jealousy that used to stem from fear and a wish to control.

I trust him and am grateful for him with all my heart. Whenever I feel the shadow of the old negative feelings, I choose love. I cherish his freedom as well as mine. I love and admire how he connects to me. I know now that should I fall for the urge to control at any point, I’d kill this beautiful, living connection. Now I rather choose to enjoy it and nourish it. And it means a very different life from what I used to live.

Does it always come naturally to me? No. It was not enough to make a decision once. I have to do it every day, to this day. So letting go doesn’t happen as smoothly as I imagined, like a leaf falling off a tree. At least not for me, or not yet. It requires alertness, intention and perseverance. Alertness to notice when the old, deeply coded patterns would start to switch on. You can feel fear lurking around, creating a shadow. Intention, because you always have to know what you want to vote for and make your choices accordingly. And perseverance, because the next day, and the day after that and each day you do the same.

And I’ve given you only one example, one aspect of my life to let you see how fear was poisoning it, but I could have picked several others. From my finances to family bonds and making decisions, the list would just go on and on.

Choosing life

Now it’s your turn. It’s your turn to choose between the world of instincts and divine existence. Between contraction and vastness. Between vegetation, being dragged by your fears and a full, alive life with real choices in every moment.

What is it that you want? It’s a very important question, because your intentions matter.

And none of us can save ourselves from the responsibility of making a decision. Because we choose in each and every moment: with our actions, our thoughts and feelings, or by not making a choice.

And if you’ve reached the end, a little something to enjoy: